The State of Affairs

    • 4.6 • 171 Ratings
    • $19.99

    • $19.99

Publisher Description

"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of Books

From iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it.

An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.

For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.

Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.

Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

Esther Perel
hr min
October 10

Customer Reviews

Emmy1983. ,

This book is absolutely AMAZING

I fell in love with this author after reading this book and learned she’s so much more than an author.
Her advice continues to guide me and I continue to listen to this book at least once a year as it is a roadmap for success in life relationships. If you are in doubt or on the fence, go check out her most popular TED talk. Just search YouTube for Esther Perel TED talk and you’ll see it! Amazing book amazing writer amazing insight perspective and wisdom.

Chrissyd64 ,

Speaking Truth

Esther shares what it take to create a successful relationship. Open, honest, communication, understanding the needs of our partner and our own. Throughout the book Esther gives great advice and insight to how we can achieve this through loving dialog.

annak027 ,

Very insightful

Not sure about the other reviews but this book gives you good insight into why and how others cheat. It gives lots of relatable examples that I can relate to or I have heard similiar stories from friends. Hits the nail on head about topics of affairs !!

Good read

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