This Is Me
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4.6 • 411 Ratings
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- $16.99
Publisher Description
Heroes and Nashville star Hayden Panettiere reclaims her story in a remarkably candid memoir.
Hayden Panettiere’s career in entertainment began before she was old enough to walk. From early commercials to film and television roles in hits like Remember the Titans, her career unfolded in the public eye, resulting in tremendous success by her early teens. She had become a fixture of early-2000s pop culture, earning acclaim for performances in Heroes, Nashville (which earned her two Golden Globe nominations), and beyond—while quietly carrying the weight of expectations that came with being Hollywood’s “It girl.”
Behind the image was a far more complicated reality. As Hayden entered adulthood, the industry that once felt playful grew unforgiving as she learned by experience the pressure placed on young performers, the hefty price that often comes with fame, and how quickly someone else can take control of your story. She recounts being scrutinized by tabloids, watching her body and private pain become public property, and performing storylines on-screen that echoed trauma she was living through off-camera.
In this memoir, Hayden shares a rare and intimate glimpse into her life behind closed doors, opening up about postpartum depression, addiction and recovery, trauma, domestic abuse, and loss. She holds nothing back as she reflects on the moments she calls “lifequakes”— experiences that fractured her sense of self and forced her to rebuild it from the inside out. In This Is Me: A Reckoning Hayden showcases her most vulnerable role yet. . .this is her story, on her terms.
APPLE BOOKS REVIEW
As an actor who’s been on screen since she was an infant, Hayden Panettiere has never had much control over her own narrative, but that finally changes with this achingly candid memoir. Panettiere’s story is bound up with the pressures of show business from the very start, with descriptions of her mother reacting harshly whenever she became nervous or distracted at auditions, even as a toddler. Happily, she also has plenty of stories about learning and having fun on set, especially during her stint on One Life to Live and during the filming of the movie Remember the Titans. But Panettiere is also reflective about these early experiences, pondering whether her still-growing mind unconsciously picked up damaging ideas from the cycle of receiving praise for portraying suffering and distress. This thoughtfulness also extends to her descriptions of her later struggles, especially the years she spent in a physically abusive relationship, and its connection to her choice to become sober. Panettiere is, of course, a seasoned professional in the recording booth, and the vulnerability she allows to come through in her narration makes her story sound even more moving and deeply personal.
Customer Reviews
Hayden,…
She should be proud she left this earth plane, and got to tell her life through her lens. Although sad at times, it showed her strength & perseverance. RIP.
A Sobering Goodbye to Hayden
I went into This Is Me already a Hayden Panettiere fan. I’ve seen nearly all of her movies, I loved Heroes, and Nashville remains one of my all-time favorite television shows. So when Hayden died this year at only 36, around the same age as me, it genuinely shocked me.
Listening to her tell her own story after her death was an incredibly sobering experience.
We watched this woman grow up on screen, but this memoir makes painfully clear how different the reality behind that image was. Hayden is incredibly candid about growing up in Hollywood, addiction, abusive relationships, motherhood, loss, and the enormous pressure of having her life and body scrutinized by the public from such a young age. At times, it feels less like listening to a celebrity memoir and more like listening to someone finally trying to take ownership of a life that so many other people had a hand in shaping.
And honestly, I kept coming back to one thought: so many people failed this woman.
There were people around her throughout her life, and yet so much of her story feels profoundly lonely. People who should have protected her didn’t always protect her. People she trusted hurt her. Hollywood took a little girl who had been working practically since infancy and turned her into a product long before she was old enough to understand what that could cost her. The further into her story I got, the sadder I became for the person behind the celebrity I’d watched for so many years.
It was also impossible for me not to think about Nashville differently. I loved Hayden as Juliette Barnes, but hearing about the struggles happening in her real life while she was portraying a woman dealing with fame, addiction, motherhood, and emotional turmoil gives that performance an entirely different weight.
What makes the audiobook especially powerful now is simply hearing Hayden tell it herself. There’s something haunting about listening to someone speak so openly about trying to survive, heal, rebuild, and find peace when you already know how her story ends. She released this memoir only months before her death, which makes some of the hope within it particularly difficult to hear in hindsight.
More than anything, this book reminded me how little we actually know about the people we grow up watching. Fame can make someone’s life look charmed from the outside while concealing an incredible amount of pain behind the curtain. Hayden had fame, beauty, talent, and success—and listening to her story was a sobering reminder that none of those things guarantee peace.
I finished this feeling less like I’d listened to celebrity gossip and more like I’d listened to a woman trying, finally, to tell the truth about her own life.
It’s heartbreaking knowing she never got the long, peaceful next chapter I kept hoping for while listening. RIP Hayden.
Incredible listen
Hayden did an amazing job writing and reading this book. What an incredible way to honor her memory.