Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself): What My Decade in Grief Taught Me About Life (Unabridged‪)‬

Shame is a monster that grows inside us. We all have the monster - it’s what we decide to do with it that determines how we live our lives. This is my story....

One day, in the summer of 2008, I was sat on a train, traveling back to London from a weekend of partying with friends, when I received a phone call that suddenly changed everything. I was told my boyfriend, Richard, was in the hospital. He died, seven days later. I spent most of my 20s pretending this never happened.

It has taken me a decade to be able to tell this story, just as it has taken me years to understand that there is no right way to grieve and no right way to live.

In our 20s, we are thrown into the adult world without a guidebook. It’s a decade that should be about adventure and discovery, so why does it feel catastrophic when we fail? How are we expected to have mastered our lives in such a short amount of time?

Saying my shame out loud has made me feel more connected to people in my life. I hope that my story will make you feel less alone, too. It is only by sharing our stories that we can give a voice to the unspoken. Whatever pain you’re holding on to, I’m writing this for you.