From the author of the beloved 30 Lessons for Living
Karl Pillemer’s 30 Lessons for Living first became a hit and then became a classic. Readers loved the sage advice and great stories from extraordinary older Americans who shared what they wish they had known when they were starting out. Now, Pillemer returns with lessons on one of the mosttalked- about parts of that book—love, relationships, and marriage.
Based on the most detailed survey of longmarried people ever conducted, 30 Lessons for Loving shows the way to lifelong, fulfilling relationships. The author, an internationally renowned gerontologist at Cornell University, offers sage advice from the oldest and wisest Americans on everything from finding a partner, to deciding to commit, to growing old together. Along the way, the book answers questions like these: How do you know if the person you love is the right one? What are the secrets for improving communication and reducing conflict? What gets you through the major stresses of marriage, such as child-rearing, work, money issues, and inlaws? From interviews with 700 elders, 30 Lessons for Loving offers unique wisdom that will enrich anyone’s relationship life, from people searching for the right partner to those working to keep the spark alive after decades together.
Filled with great stories, wise observations, and useful advice, 30 Lessons for Loving is destined to become another classic.
Gerontologist Pillemer shares findings from his survey of 700 people in "very long marriages" (the shortest here have lasted three decades, the longest, more than five) for tips on maintaining successful long-term relationships. The respondents, charmingly called "the experts" by Pillemer, share "storehouses of invaluable lived experience" on areas including questions to ask yourself before settling down, domestic violence, and late-in-life sex. Communication is discussed at length via six lessons, including being polite to your partner within "the comfortable informality of married life" and choosing the appropriate time for serious conversations. The experts break down conflict by examining the "five major stressors" that affect most relationships, with rules for dealing with the in-laws and properly delegating household labor. In addition to summarizing his survey's results, Pillemer shares the experts' own words. One respondent describes divorcing her husband and remarrying him 64 years later, while an 88-year-old "rough and tumble" Korean War veteran suggests taking an interest in your partner's preferred activities, remarking, "I went to operas. Operas!" The benefits of such a comprehensive study incorporating so many years of experience should be ample, for newlyweds and contemporaries of the respondents alike. The advice is astute, fresh, and well selected by Pillemer. This book would serve as an excellent gift for newlyweds.