A Backgammon Tournament in Mathematics Puns

I'm from the wide open SPACES near L-paso, and they call me [T.sub.E]X. One Sunday several years ago Emma, Dee, Polly, Cal and I were TURING Kentucky in our CHEVALLEY when I suggested that we attend a backgammon tournament in LIOUVILLE. Em was DERIVING, and even though she was not inKLEINed to be BOTTLEd up for several days, sheer LOGIC told her that it beat squeezing into a GODEL to go to CHURCH, so she agreed to the plan. We were lucky that Jim JACOBIAN his GROUP were not there, so we had a FEITing chance. I asked a LISPing Catholic CARDINAL for advice about entering. "My thon, I don't ORDINALLY give advice, but I'll [theta] a MATH for you," he said.