Call Me Fick

A recent divorcee, Lt. Tommy Fick thought being transferred to an army base in Germany would solve his problems. When he arrived, however, he noticed something troubling: Germans laugh at him all the time and to his face. It takes a sexy German bartender, who harbors feelings for him, to tell him why: he has a silly and obscene last name.

WARNING! This 4000+ word short story contains graphic and explicit depiction of sex between consenting adults. It is only meant for mature and adult readers over the age of 18.

Excerpt:

“I swear. It’s like I’m cursed.”

Again, she shook her head. “What do you say?”

“Guten Tag, mein Name ist Tommy Fick.”

Kirsa blinked a few times. Her face grew very red, and then, all of a sudden, she burst out laughing, hard. Leaning over the bar, she put her face in her hands and continued laughing.

Tommy took a deep breath, trying to subdue a flash of anger. “What? What’s so damned funny?”

Kirsa looked up and gave him genuine smile. “Tom, you don’t actually say that to people, do you?”

Tommy felt warmth rush to his head, and that was followed by a headache caused by an angry spike in his blood pressure. “I don’t understand what’s so funny; I’m just saying good day and introducing myself.”

“Your last name is Fick?”

“Yes. What’s the big deal?”

The laughter quickly faded from Kirsa’s face. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“What fick means in German?”

“No, I don’t.”

She grew a little more serious. “Fick is German for ...