***A NEW YORK TIMES BESTELLER***
An essential exploration of why and how women’s sexuality works—based on groundbreaking research and brain science—that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.
Researchers have spent the last decade trying to develop a “pink pill” for women to function like Viagra does for men. So where is it? Well, for reasons this book makes crystal clear, that pill will never be the answer—but as a result of the research that’s gone into it, scientists in the last few years have learned more about how women’s sexuality works than we ever thought possible, and Come as You Are explains it all.
The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences. Because women vary, and that’s normal.
Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s arousal, desire, and orgasm.
Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.
And Emily Nagoski can prove it.
Customer ReviewsSee All
Not only for women...
...oh, boy. Any time that I read a good book concerning sex, written by a woman or women and addressed specifically to women, I always buy it. I KNOW that I was the first boy in my school to own a copy of "Our Bodies, Ourselves." The edition with a cover that has a photo of a woman holding an oversized sign that reads 'WOMEN UNITE'. I learned more about women's bodies from that book than I could have living in one of those Nevada Relaxation Ranch's in six months.
Come As You Are is definitely aiming for a female audience, but it's also well written, well informed and, ultimately, fascinating scientific treatise concerning women and sex. The book explains female anatomy and sexual psychology in a way that makes some women who have read the book admitting that they discovered parts of their bodies that they never knew existed.
I was suspicious about Nagoski's "motive(s)" before buying CAYA... Smith faculty, teaching Women's Sexuality for twenty years. All those triggers and I was almost certain that there would be no penes discussion at all. But I visited her (very funny) informative blog and was captivated by her wit and wealth of knowledge and I am so thankful that I did.
If women can be astounded by all that is revealed, think what a man feels! No, I didn't know that you had one of those, either.
Back to where I began: the blurb that accompanies this book is... I don't want to say misleading so I'll just say that it could be discussing women or men. But this isn't an either/or book and, even though penes are spoken of, I don't see how the book might not be required reading for members of the LBGTVQ community.
Love women? Love making love to women? Love to know more about women's bodies and psychological sex drives, particularly those of the women you love and love making love with?
You may not trust user reviews (like this one). Those reviews of extraordinarily expensive and extravagant merchandise that admit that they received the item(s) gratis but assure you that their review is not at all biased just because Apple sent them the 18k gold Hermés Watch Edition. JOKE!!!
Some of my paternalistic, reactionary and misogynist friends (all two of them that I only think of when I have the opportunity to switch carriers and get a newer iPhone AND change numbers at the same time AND move out of state on a three day weekend) wouldn't even touch the book. Seriously. Both were upfront and honest about why they wouldn't touch it: they don't touch pink stuff. And they could read between the lines. You have to do that, however, as it's a part of the cover design. A clever, yet in no way subtle, subliminal cover design that is unlike anything I've seen previously. So keep the book – and, yes, I mean the the iBook version which features a replication of the same pink cover – away from any "friends" like these two. You'll live a more fulfilling life and they won't read more into a pink book cover, wearing fashionable Brooks Bros suits or finding any of your leathers. If you're cruel enough to politely point out these anomalies, think of how you'll feel when you see my dead bloody body laid, in pieces, on a cold metal cart at the county morgue. They will have beaten me so badly that my wife will be unable to identify my corpse. The flesh on my face will have long been stripped away by the crumbling tarmac as they dragged my body, faced down, behind that new Ford 150 that Larry's parents have to make the payments on.
So if you really love a woman and have wondered what's really going on in her brain and body before, during and after sex and just living through the normal junk...
Buy the book.
Sorry about the brownies. She keeps denying it but I could have sworn that Nancy was back on the bottle again.
Overall a good book.
Overall a good book, but I have just one issue. When it comes to sex, men tend to get left out of the conversation entirely, society has a very bad habit of simplifying male sexuality. As a man, I don’t have it all figure out. I don’t know a whole lot about what’s normal for me. The only reference men get is porn and porn isin’t a good reference because so much of isn’t real. I’d love to see more research done about men. It would be of benefit for a lot of other people.