Discomfortable
What Is Shame and How Can We Break Its Hold?
-
- $12.99
-
- $12.99
Publisher Description
The go-to guide to understand and unpack shame: what it is, why we feel it, and how to undo the lies it tells us about ourselves.
Are you ready to get Discomfortable?
This is a book about shame: what it is, why we have it, and how we can break its hold on our happiness. We all know shame: it's that feeling that tells us that somehow, who we are is inherently wrong. It's more than embarrassment or regret: it shakes us to the core. And most of all, it tells us that we need to be, feel, and act differently in order to be seen, loved, and accepted.
Author and "shame-ed" coach AJ Bond takes us through his own shame breakthrough, sharing how he went from I'd rather die than be gay to uncovering and reclaiming his inherent wholeness and worth. With unexpected humor, warmth, and candid personal stories, Bond shows readers:
Why shame shows up--the trauma, fixed mindsets, and messaging that give it a footholdHow shame tricks you into believing there's something wrong with you, even when you're perfectly rightThe evolutionary reasons we humans developed a sense of shame (and why it doesn't serve us today)How to manage and deprogram shame through connection, gratitude, and empowered choiceHow we can re-parent ourselves, be fully seen, and feel fully loved
Bond shines a light on this feeling that doesn't want to be seen, heard, or named--and invites us to bring our own shame into the open and release it to reclaim and reframe our lives in a powerful new way.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Bond, a filmmaker and "self-styled shame educator," shares his understanding of shame in this discursive, underwhelming debut. He proposes that shame is "both a feeling and a set of beliefs," as well as "an affect to which we apply certain cognitive interpretations." As an evolutionary instinct that has mostly outlived its survival value, shame, Bond argues, cannot be eliminated. However, he contends, in understanding and accepting shame tendencies, one can challenge unhealthy beliefs and use shame consciously rather than reactively: "Feeling shame and not reacting to it, just exploring it and talking openly about it, is how we begin to regain control of our lives." Bond shares formative experiences of his own, as a gay man unlearning internalized homophobia, and as an actor dealing with rejection in auditions. The focus is on the everyday struggles of inferiority and people-pleasing, rather than the role of shame in more entrenched psychological issues like trauma and addiction. While the initial insights are helpful and well-grounded, the book as a whole leaves much to be desired, with belabored explanations, frequent repetition, and lengthy tangents. For those looking for an introduction to the topic, the work of Brene Brown remains a better option.