There’s a new set of 3Rs for our kids—respect, responsibility, and resilience—to better prepare them for life in the real world. Once developed, these skills let kids take charge, and let parents step back, to the benefit of all. Casting hover mothers and helicopter parents aside, Vicki Hoefle encourages a different, counter-intuitive—yet much more effective—approach: for parents to sit on their hands, stay on the sidelines, even if duct tape is required, so that the kids step up. Duct Tape Parenting gives parents a new perspective on what it means to be effective, engaged parents and to enable kids to develop confidence through solving their own problems. This is not a book about the parenting strategy of the day—what the author calls “Post-It Note Parenting”—but rather a relationship-based guide to span all ages and stages of development. Witty, straight-shooting Hoefle addresses frustrated parents everywhere who are ready to raise confident, capable children to go out in the world.
Mother of five and professional parenting educator Hoefle shares the secrets to her success in dealing with typical behavioral problems in this hard-to-put-down, Adlerian Psychology-based parenting manual. She claims her method will improve relationships and create independent, thoughtful, resilient, and, of course, well-behaved children. But how to accomplish this feat? Stay calm, say nothing, have "radical faith" in your children. In other words, the titular duct tape is for the parents, not the kids. Calling attention to problematic behavior, Hoefle says, makes a harmless weed grow into something much worse: a long-term attention-getting scheme, or a deep-seated personality trait. As long as it's not a dangerous behavior or situation, Hoefle suggests that parents ignore it. When siblings fight, when a child is caught stealing, or when kids stall and slow down the morning, sit back and see what happens when you say nothing at all. Hoefle's strategy, which is an extreme form of natural consequences parenting, may seem irresponsible to some, but it clearly comes from the heart and is full of helpful tips even for those who find themselves in disagreement with the book's main assertion. And perhaps the proof is in the pudding Hoefle did survive five kids, sanity intact.