Publisher Description

Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist. 

At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead? 

Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate like the Terminator. 

To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course, since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One. 

Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride. 


“Uproariously witty, deliciously provocative, and just plain fun! No one delivers side-splitting humor and mouth-watering sensuality like Robyn Peterman. This is entertainment at its absolute finest!” ~ Darynda Jones, NY Times Bestselling Author of the Charley Davidson Series

September 2
Robyn Peterman
Robyn Peterman-Zahn

Customer Reviews

KeshaW2006 ,


I REALLY enjoyed reading this book!! It was smart, with an interesting plot, and absolutely entertaining. I had several laugh out loud moments, and immediately downloaded Book 2 to continue the story. The characters, some of their names and traits, were hella funny. I would definitely recommend this book!

Team LuBel ,

Great Book👍

Funny, different, and addicting!! Plus it was free!!
Astrid, or assface😜, character is a lot different from other books in this paranormal genre. It will make you laugh out loud and it is a good long read, that keeps u wanting to find out what trouble is she gonna get into next. If your familiar with H.P. Mallory books you'll love this one! It has it's own unique writing style, that had me hooked a couple pages in. Try it it's free!

Leahgab ,


This book made me laugh while I read it. I haven't laughed this much in a long time. I just bought the next book. I can't wait to read it.

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