Follicle Foul!: Headbands and the Tragedy of Missed Penalty Kicks (Essay‪)‬

In the late 1990s, then Argentine national football coach Daniel Passarella perplexed many--miffed even more--when citing hair length as a key criterion for selection. Having given no reason for this stipulation, Passarella led some to believe this a hastily-invented pretext to deny certain players, Fernando Redondo in particular, a spot on the national team. And although some suggested personality issues and petty jealousy, no one could pinpoint a plausible motive for Passarella's decision. That hairstyles and lengths are changed faster and more often than underwear has become the norm. As, it seems, has Dutch footballers missing penalty kicks. Yet, had fans and armchair coaches been able to overcome their emotional attachments to their personal favorites, they would have found a logical basis for Passarella's decree. Long-haired footballers often require additional accoutrements--headbands, slides, clips, barrettes, etc.-when playing the fast-paced game of the prestigious European leagues. While purely functional and not at all aesthetic, these very items have contributed to field errors, most notably the tragic missed penalty kick. Innocuous as they may appear, these 'functional adornments,' when used over a period of time, cause damage to the brain quite similar to that wreaked by heading balls.