The secret of a steady happy relationship is not to avoid conflicts, but process disputes in such a way that both sides’ needs are included and respected, without allowing anger to destroy love and trust.
Is it possible to have guidelines for fighting fair in marriage? Yes!
Fighting fair in relationships is the tool presented here. Learning the skill of fighting fair will restore your confidence in the possibility of defending what you value and need, while at the same time, you will listen to and respect the other person’s needs. This is done following the simple rules that we present in this book for fighting fair in marriage.
This book also solves the core question about how you can assert your personal needs, while also caring for the relationship, and thus have a healthy marriage.
Sometimes, we see as very difficult or incompatible to balance individual and relationship goals. Do you remember the video about the guy dreaming of a convertible car, while having to buy a SUV because his family’s transportation needs came first? that video was presenting the pang of wishing something while having to choose the opposite...so many times we fight with this dilemma, and end up crushing our personal wishes in order to maintain a fragile marital coexistence. And then, not surprisingly we get into a horrible fight...all because we don’t identify and honor our individual needs while negotiating with our partners.
To get to know what the other person's needs are, is a fundamental aspect for a healthy relationship. It doesn’t mean that you will always get satisfaction to them, but at least, putting your own needs on the table you will not forget yourself...if you do, anger and resentment will grow between you two. You begin by respecting yourself, to teach the other person how to respect you.
Once you know how to understand what your partner needs, it becomes easier to agree on solutions that can make both sides happy, regardless the degree of your relational conflict.This is one powerful argument to invite a reluctant partner to have a fair fight conversation!
The wish to have a happy marriage is a powerful incentive for both partners to learn, apply and recommend conflict resolution skills to solve daily confrontations. Once you learn conflict resolution skills, you can apply them anywhere: workplace, friends, extended family and all relationships.