How We Show Up
Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community
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- $9.99
Publisher Description
An Invitation to Community and Models for Connection
After almost every presentation activist and writer Mia Birdsong gives to executives, think tanks, and policy makers, one of those leaders quietly confesses how much they long for the profound community she describes. They have family, friends, and colleagues, yet they still feel like they're standing alone. They're "winning" at the American Dream, but they're lonely, disconnected, and unsatisfied.
It seems counterintuitive that living the "good life"--the well-paying job, the nuclear family, the upward mobility--can make us feel isolated and unhappy. But in a divided America, where only a quarter of us know our neighbors and everyone is either a winner or a loser, we've forgotten the key element that helped us make progress in the first place: community. In this provocative, groundbreaking work, Mia Birdsong shows that what separates us isn't only the ever-present injustices built around race, class, gender, values, and beliefs, but also our denial of our interdependence and need for belonging. In response to the fear and discomfort we feel, we've built walls, and instead of leaning on each other, we find ourselves leaning on concrete.
Through research, interviews, and stories of lived experience, How We Show Up returns us to our inherent connectedness where we find strength, safety, and support in vulnerability and generosity, in asking for help, and in being accountable. Showing up--literally and figuratively--points us toward the promise of our collective vitality and leads us to the liberated well-being we all want.
APPLE BOOKS REVIEW
Activist Mia Birdsong is on a mission to help us redefine our ideas of family and home. For years, success in America has meant marriage, kids, home ownership, and financial security. But every day, even people for whom this dream is attainable still feel disconnected, unsatisfied, and lonely. Drawing strongly on examples of inclusivity and friendship in Black, LGBTQ+, and other marginalized groups, Birdsong explains how much happier and more likely to live up to our potential we are when we’re part of a larger, stronger community. It’s an incredible philosophy that we quickly found ourselves nodding in agreement with. Birdsong explains how much greater the feeling of accountability and accomplishment is when we do things not just for our nuclear family, but for everyone around us, and helps us to cultivate the harder-than-it-sounds ability to ask for help when we need it. Whether you develop stronger bonds in your neighborhood or build a “freedom circle” by accumulating a chosen family, How We Show Up gives you the inspiration and the tools to make it happen.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Activist Birdsong illuminates in her insightful debut how one can build a chosen family and support system. Examples of how people help others, enact social justice, and make community members feel safe form the core of Birdsong's testament to community power outside mainstream institutions. For Birdsong, poor and marginalized groups that have had to create their own systems of support and joy can serve as examples for those seeking new pathways of connection. Of particular note are the stories of Homefulness, an organization that organizes cohousing arrangements for "houseless" mothers, and People's Kitchen Collective, which puts on "events that center the experiences, social movements, and food of people of color." The author also highlights the importance of community using her own experience of hosting open-invitation weekly dinners and accumulating a collection of unrelated "aunties." "Toxic individualism" (the "demand that we prove our worth by being productive members of society") is critiqued for leading to burnout and the isolation of individuals and nuclear families, and an entire chapter is dedicated to self-care which Birdsong contrasts with "self-soothing" (things that provide comfort and distraction but little meaning) including advice to start a "freedom circle" based around sharing stories and potluck dining. Birdsong's invigorating work will appeal to readers looking to more fully engage their community.
Customer Reviews
Revealing dive into how we build and maintain relationships and community
Mia’s visionary exploration provides a framework for understanding the complex dynamics in our own lives.