I Am What I Am

This is a book based on real events that I witnessed in my life and some observations I found during my field visit for non-academic research on women empowerment in some villages under districts of upper, middle and lower Assam of India. The day my first menstruation began, I saw my mother and grandmother crying behind the door. I thought I was going to die as the flow of blood was increasing. As days passed, I passed a certain milestone in my development, both mentally and physically. My parents, especially my mother and aunts, became more conscious over my dress up, my going out of the house, my friends, etc. I thought I was more special to them than my brother, but later when their caring grew more and more, I started feeling suffocated and a protestant mind started budding inside me. I started thinking it was a curse to be a girl when I had to sacrifice my favourite dress, my favourite place and even my favourite games and many more, after getting stuck by my elders and parents.† I get so confused on the changing behaviour of the society; one side people praise us for our success and on another, the same people show us red eyes when we work hard for it, take our time to get into it.

ìIt is not possible to change our surroundings but we may change ourselves to get adjusted to it.î This is what my grandmother and my mother did in their lives; they adjusted to the situations by bearing everything and not facing it or fighting it. By bearing silently, they made the well of offences deeper, that they might fail to come out of it even they tried. That is the reason why they cried on my first menstruation. They are not gratified to be a woman and maybe scared if I have to go through the troubles they faced in their lives, so they cared too much for me, which created so many restrictions in my life.

I Am What I Am will give an overview of the struggle a female foetus getting born and living as a human. In a democratic country, why do only women have to fight to live equally? Why do we need to feel guilty even if we get victimized? Can we live as we are, as we like?