I Lost My Marbles

Why, when we live in a sexually obsessed culture, do we hide our sexual brokenness? So many children are emotionally abandoned after abuse and left to navigate their way alone through life, struggling to find sexual wholeness. It takes a great deal of courage to confront an abuser. The shame, along with the lie that we are not good enough, lingers long after the abuse. I believe it is what fuels the secrets. If victims were able to tell their stories safely and freely, I believe they would be able to heal far more easily from childhood abuse. What a great example of You have to live it if youre going to give it. Caren has helped all of us live it better. Stephen Arterburn, Founder of New Life Ministries I Lost My Marbles is an authentic, vulnerable look at a journey no one ever signs up to take. Written with courage and honesty, Caren Dillmans story reveals the abuse that many suffer at the hand of a trusted loved one. Her book is also a humorous and candid love story, and a narrative of faith that is developed in the midst of the storm. The powerful conclusion will take your breath away. Gayle M. Samples, PhD Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist | Executive Director at Emmaus Road Counseling A powerful read, presented with honesty and hope. Caren Dillmans unflinching narrative of trauma strikes deep in the heart. We feel her pain, her shame, and her confusion. We cheer her victories. Most of all, we come away with a profound appreciation for the authors story and her willingness to bring it into the light. Tammy Fletcher, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist www.fletchertherapy.com Everybody's got a story to tell and everybody's got a wound to be healed. The first time I heard those lyrics sung by the artist Plump, I wanted to declare, Yes we all have a story to tell and we all have wounds to heal. A light needs to be shined on the truth and our stories need to be told! Imagine what could happen if we believed we were safe to share our stories without consequences of judgment or rejection? Our freedom and path towards healing would be liberating. When I first heard that song I was in the middle of writing my own healing story and I was again facing another roadblock. The fear that kept hindering me were questions such as, how will others respond to my story, will it make a difference to anyone else? Can I risk being real enough so that my story will offer hope to others? When I faced those roadblocks I reminded myself what I had read from the Bible: You must be very careful not to forget the things you have seen God do for you. Keep reminding yourselves, and tell your children and grandchildren as well. Deut 4:9 (CEV) It would be years after struggling through my own recovery before I would take the risk to share what God had done for me. Like many people I felt isolated in my pain. I worked hard to hide the parts of myself that I believed would be rejected. I had repressed most of the sexual abuse from my childhood. I was unable to make the connection that the abuse had done damage which made it easy for me to believe that I was unworthy of love and acceptance. Childhood sexual abuse results in long-term side effects. One of them includes the risk of re-victimization. It creates serious problems for the individual, their family and society. Adult women with a history of childhood sexual abuse are more likely to suffer from depression, eating disorders, poor self esteem, and suicidal thoughts as well as other problems. Although the heightened anxiety Ive lived with has been challenging, the most significant effect was my inability to be comfortable in an intimate relationship with God. I had to learn that the shame I had lived with did not belong to me. It belonged to those who were the victimizers. And as is often too common, out of the shame and subsequent secrets I was left feeling confused and unworthy. At times in my life, when it was obvious that I needed to work on healing from betrayal and hurts I was unaware...