From the #1 New York Times bestseller author of Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Halpern, comes a laugh-out-loud funny and deeply touching collection of personal stories about relationships with the opposite sex, from a first kiss to getting engaged and all the awkward moments in between. Fans of biting, honor-infused memoirs such as Me Talk Pretty One Day and Assassination Vacation will find Halpern’s I Suck at Girls an unforgettable journey into the best and worst moments of one man’s adventures in romance.
"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."
Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend.
"You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel f*****g universe."
But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters.
I Suck at Girls is full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom. But it's also full of new characters just as funny as his dad—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today.
In a bittersweet twist of fate, it was a breakup that sent Halpern on the path that would result in over 3 million Twitter followers, a #1 New York Times bestseller (ShH t My Dad Says), a TV deal, and ultimately, something like happiness. Beginning with the end of the relationship that resulted in him returning home to live with his father whose irreverent, profanity-laden quips and advice was the soul of ShH t My Dad Says Halpern recounts his romantic fumbles in this terrifically entertaining memoir that begs for a turn on the screen (the rights have already been sold). A gifted storyteller, Halpern sheepishly relates one embarrassing event after another: stealing porn from hobos, "each of whom looked like Nick Nolte rendered in beef jerky;" a white-knuckle ride in his quest for a driver's license so he can take the car to the homecoming dance; and even a stint working at Hooters in an effort to connect with the fairer sex. Fans of his previous work will slide right into this one, as Halpern Sr. is a frequent commenter on the proceedings, and his priceless and profane bon mots are too good to pass up in this light and charming rom-com of a memoir.
Customer ReviewsSee All
Another laugh-out-loud book by Justin Halpern! It’s a must read...just not while you’re in the bed with your spouse and they’re trying to sleep. You’re bound to jiggle while you giggle.
As a guy in my mid 20’s I can relate to Justin’s awkwardness and his thoughts. In a way it seemed as though I had written some of the anecdotes in here. Overall, this was well written and an good read. I need to check out his other book now.
I loved it, I actually read this book before I read his first. They're both great, the dad made me laugh hard!