From the #1 New York Times bestseller author of Sh*t My Dad Says, Justin Halpern, comes a laugh-out-loud funny and deeply touching collection of personal stories about relationships with the opposite sex, from a first kiss to getting engaged and all the awkward moments in between. Fans of biting, honor-infused memoirs such as Me Talk Pretty One Day and Assassination Vacation will find Halpern’s I Suck at Girls an unforgettable journey into the best and worst moments of one man’s adventures in romance.
"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."
Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend.
"You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel f*****g universe."
But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters.
I Suck at Girls is full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom. But it's also full of new characters just as funny as his dad—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today.
In a bittersweet twist of fate, it was a breakup that sent Halpern on the path that would result in over 3 million Twitter followers, a #1 New York Times bestseller (ShH t My Dad Says), a TV deal, and ultimately, something like happiness. Beginning with the end of the relationship that resulted in him returning home to live with his father whose irreverent, profanity-laden quips and advice was the soul of ShH t My Dad Says Halpern recounts his romantic fumbles in this terrifically entertaining memoir that begs for a turn on the screen (the rights have already been sold). A gifted storyteller, Halpern sheepishly relates one embarrassing event after another: stealing porn from hobos, "each of whom looked like Nick Nolte rendered in beef jerky;" a white-knuckle ride in his quest for a driver's license so he can take the car to the homecoming dance; and even a stint working at Hooters in an effort to connect with the fairer sex. Fans of his previous work will slide right into this one, as Halpern Sr. is a frequent commenter on the proceedings, and his priceless and profane bon mots are too good to pass up in this light and charming rom-com of a memoir.
Funny and Quick Read
First and foremost I don't remember the last time I finished a book cover to cover. I have big hopes of reading things I'm very much intrigued by but for one reason or another I normally never make it past the 3/4 mark. That being said, I read this book in 4 days, in it's entirety. It reminded me of failures and successes in my own life that made me the man I am today, and did so with plenty of humor and wisdom.
Very good read
Quick read, very entertaining!
6.5 out of 10
Wish I would have read this first prior to &@$@ my dad says. My expectations were way too high. Quick read. Moderately entertaining.