I Wish I Never Met You
Dating the Shiftless, Stupid, and Ugly A Novel
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- $8.99
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- $8.99
Publisher Description
Preston the Project Mishap
Ernest the Undercover Sugarbooty
Marvin the Married Man-Boy
Forrest the Foul Fiancé
What single woman hasn't been desperate enough to risk it all in an attempt to find True Love? Vulnerable enough to believe in the whole girl-meets-boy, girl-and-boy-fall-in-love, the-two-live-happily-ever-after, blah, blah, blah? News flash: It never happens that way. Eventually, a girl learns that the road to Mr. Right is littered with more than a few Mr. No Ways.
I Wish I Never Met You is the hilarious, uncensored confession of one woman, reeling from a lifetime of dating disasters -- the blind dates, the nightclub crawlers, the ballers, the liars, and the ugly but earnest suitors. As she tries to sort out what she's learned from the heartache and the embarrassments, she'll have you laughing out loud, thanking God it's not your life while recognizing that you've made all the same mistakes.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Offering up a set of cautionary tales that are "a generous contribution from me to society," Wheatley's nameless African-American heroine describes the fate of 13 hapless suitors in this flimsy, sour debut. Each man suffers from a physical, emotional or maturational deficiency or a combination thereof that eventually destroys the relationship; each story is followed by a scrambled moral of sorts advising readers who not to get with ("Bottom Damn Line: Fuck a fence-straddling pansy who makes you feel like a manly reject"). The narrator's men include seriously overweight Doug, ugly Horace and effeminate Ernest, as well as a series of types: liar, married man, unwed father, player. The book concludes with a final episode in which the narrator gets what many will conclude she deserves. Wheatley's antiheroine is not quite the edgier, black Bridget Jones the cover copy claims; instead, she is abrasive and unpleasant. "When I take revenge, there are no regrets," she writes, and her remorseless attitude, rather than confident and bold, seems smug and superior. In one particularly unsavory episode, she forces a man who does her wrong to swallow a mouthful of urine. She eventually admits to being an "unbalanced woman," but the reader has long since lost interest in her persistent, self-induced misfortunes.
