Written as a narrative to my daughter, I wanted her to have the whole story. Where she came from. Why I placed her for adoption. And how, for the next eighteen years, I hovered on the edges of her family, granted access by her generous parents, but always wanting more. More for her, and more for me.
I am not ready, not able, to raise you.Ten years too early, I need time to grow up.
To offer you, I have love.And nothing else.
You need more than I have to give,Unless I give you up.
To parents who are ready, waiting, to raise you.Ten years wanting, with a ready home.
Parents who have love,And everything else, too.
If I do it,If I break my own heart to spare yours,Will it work?Will you be happier, healthier this way?
And will I ever be okay again?
This bare bones memoir tells the story of a kinship adoption from the perspective of a birthmother. It will break your heart, then heal it, with new perspectives on adoption, openness, and the complex ways we define family.
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A universal tale of grief and RESILIENCE
I have no personal experience with adoption, but I found countless nuggets of wisdom in this book. Every woman will find something with which to identify in this memoir, be it the lost teenager who simply wants to be loved, or the diligent, stubbornly persistent young adult who will stop at nothing to see her vision come to life, or the woman grieving over a decision that she knows in her soul to be right, although it breaks heart into a thousand pieces to do it. The author's depiction of grief is particularly resonant with me -- she shows the messy, unpredictable, ultimately beautiful roller coaster of grief, and reminds us that eventually, we come out on the other side of it, healed and all the wiser.