Understanding and using for real MOTIVATION ... but realising all it's useless

Afraid of losing the reality i've chased so, so much for ... i've ended up ... keep trying lots of so called "motivational things" ... illusory hoping the scenario will be a non ending experience.
Totally forgetting ... or probably not accepting that
everything into this world is ephemeral.
For me ... and anyone else.
But ... i continue the same journey.
Trying.
Trying.
And trying.
Always failing ... but pretending i can be naive for the rest of my life.
Allowing myself to push everything ... till it becomes obvious for everyone that i am nothing than ... an idiot.
One having ... no dignity at all.
Or at least ... not being able to show and prove it.
So ... i write ... again as a form of abstract therapy ... every single day ... but also keep trying lots a new things ... just to continue being with ... her.
Hoping.
Dreaming.
Of course ... all being in vain.
So ... the book itself is one about abstract motivation ...
revealing into the end the ugly truth that even if sometimes we don't agree with the Universe ... we should probably meditate over the concept of ... pathless path.
Until it's not too late ... to become a pathetic pathless path.