If I Die Before I Wake

A woman shares the story of her descent into alcoholism, her journey to getting clean and sober, and life on the other side.

The tragic death of her teenage son, Jon, forces Barb Rogers to delve into the horror that was her life to that point. Due to a home life fraught with substance and emotional abuse, she found herself bottomed out more than once, and homeless along the way.


"When asked in early recovery if I knew any prayers, the one I could think of was the child's nighttime prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep." As I thought of it, I recalled the long nights when I simply wanted to go to sleep and never wake up."


Barb learned most of her life lessons through pain, tragedy, and addiction. This is not a glamorous story; it is real and raw. It is not about survival of the fittest, but the weak, the hopeless, the helpless, the truly addicted—not only to substances, but to drama, anger, excuses, and justifications.


Barb reflects on how she reached her lowest point, just what it was, and how and why she finally reached out to a 12-step program for help. She shows the reader what it's really like to survive, to stay clean and sober, and to find a way to the other side. Recovery was one of the most difficult things she ever did but it was "worth every effort I put out."


Barb Rogers would be the first to tell you she's not special. But her story, told well and with humor, is sure to inspire anyone to put in the work to improve their lives.

Praise for If I Die before I Wake
"Raw, vivid, and brutally heart-wrenching, Barb's account of her shattered life…will undoubtedly hit home with many."—Jennifer Storm, author of Blackout Girl and Leave the Light On
"Gripping, tragic, and absolutely impossible to put down."—Rachael Brownell, author of Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore
"An inspiring story that reflects the transformative power of Twelve Step recovery. This is a particularly important book for any woman who is struggling with sobriety and feels she will never achieve it."—Stephanie S. Covington, author of A Woman's Way Through the Twelve Steps