In 2003, bestselling author and relationship expert Michele Weiner Davis' groundbreaking book, The Sex-Starved Marriage described the problems that occur in marriage when one spouse is vastly more interested in sex than the other and more importantly, what the couple could do to fix things. The book created quite a stir, but no one expected what happened next.
Weiner Davis was flooded with e-mails, letters, and phone calls from women, not with "headaches" and other predictable excuses for avoiding sex, but from women who were desperately unhappy because their husbands weren't the least bit interested in sex. Nothing these women said or did got their men to understand the pain and isolation that comes from a sexual void, and despite heartfelt pleas, they were unable to convince their husbands to seek professional help. Add to this the unspoken taboo about discussing low libido in men, and these women were left to believe that they were the only ones dealing with this problem.
If this sounds like your situation, Weiner Davis wants to tell you that you are not alone, and it is not your fault: there is a whole host of reasons why your husband might be experiencing low desire. Although Weiner Davis explains reasons men lose interest in sex--biological issues, personal troubles, and relationship problems--she's convinced that understanding the cause of a problem won't make your sex life any juicier; doing something about it will. The Sex-Starved Wife gives you the tools you need to present the information in the book so that your husband will not become defensive. You'll even learn methods for overcoming sexual dysfunctions such as performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, and effective ways for dealing with pornography or infidelity. If you and your spouse need additional support, Weiner Davis offers concrete advice on how to get your man to visit his doctor or seek other professional help.
When it comes to marriage, Weiner Davis has seen it all. She knows how important loving, satisfying sex is to a healthy marriage. The straightforward, psychobabble-free advice in this book will help you create the intimacy and connection for which you've been longing.
Women whose husbands have low sexual drives shouldn't automatically assume that their mates are angry with them or find them unattractive, says Davis (The Sex-Starved Marriage). Cardiovascular disease, diabetes, a dysfunctional thyroid and chronic kidney disease as well as erectile dysfunction all take a toll on sexual desire, and Davis advises wives to get their husbands to the doctor pronto. Nonphysical ills, such as stress, job loss, grief and midlife crisis, can also quash libido, and sex or marital therapy or individual talk therapy are recommended. Wives should be loving, patient and encouraging, make their requests action-oriented and engage in activities in which they can find solace and strength like volunteer work, reading, exercise or support groups. Davis's stance is controversially anti-divorce, discouraging it even when the husband refuses to end an affair or is gay; she shamelessly hawks her own divorce-busting center and coaching services and annoyingly congratulates readers for working to turn their marriages around. Her advice is basically familiar and obvious, treading the same territory as her earlier The Sex-Starved Marriage and other self-help manuals, but some desperately unhappy women might find validation in these pages.