It's Not You
Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
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4.6 • 71 Ratings
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- $15.99
Publisher Description
INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism
AN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVER
It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissistic person. One day they draw you in with their charm and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-esteem, and leave you wondering, What should I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani explains in It’s Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing.
Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist will not stop manipulating and invalidating you, no matter how much you try to appease them. The first step toward healing from their toxic influence—and to protect yourself from future harm—is to accept that you are not to blame for their behavior.
Drawing on more than two decades of studying the landscape of narcissism and working with survivors, Dr. Ramani explores how narcissists hijack our well-being and offers a healing path forward. Unpacking the oft-misunderstood personality, she reveals the telltale behavioral patterns that indicate you may be dealing with a narcissist. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep you stuck in the cycle, grieve the loss of these painful relationships, create and maintain realistic boundaries, discern unhelpful behaviors from narcissistic behaviors, and recover your sense of self after constant invalidation.
Thriving after, or even during, a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but It’s Not You shows you it is possible. Dr. Ramani invites you to stop blaming yourself and trying to change the narcissistic person, and to start giving yourself permission to let go of their hold on you and finally embrace your true self.
APPLE BOOKS REVIEW
Never argue with a narcissist, says Dr. Ramani Durvasula; it will only leave you exhausted. With years of experience as a psychiatrist seeing how her clients suffered the fallout of narcissistic abuse—whether from spouses, siblings, parents, or children—she’s an expert on the subject. Durvasula seeks to give a voice those victimized by what she calls “antagonistic” behavior and spotlights some of the clients she has worked with. In It’s Not You, she gives us a roadmap to recognizing the manipulative tactics narcissists use and the devastating emotional toll they can wield. Durvasula tells us how to become “narcissistic resistant,” which includes standing up to gaslighting and trusting our guts. Divided into two sections—one focused on understanding narcissism and the other focused on how to heal from it—It’s Not You is an easily digestible read. Plus, Durvasula gives us tips on navigating narcissism in different situations (including at work, with family, or with friends) and helps us distinguish the differences between standard relationship issues and patterns of narcissistic abuse. With Durvasula’s advice, you’ll see that it’s definitely them—not you.
Customer Reviews
This book is life-saving!
Empathic, compassionate, empowering, and lucid. This book is an essential tool and guidebook for those who are recovering and healing from antagonistic relationships. Dr. Ramani peels back the many layers of narcissism and provides the insight needed for healing, allowing us to GIVE ourselves permission to rediscover and LIVE our authentic selves unapologetically.
Amazing
Must read for anyone who experienced narcissitic abuse