This is my journal based on my spiritual journey going inwards then coming out. This is not the truth just my truth, because the truth is your own. I write about letting go so that we can become who we are supposed to be. We all have the opportunity to become our greatest selves regardless of our personality flaws. There is a hidden power within all of us, potential energy waiting to be unlocked. I believe that every person has the ability to evolve if one puts their mind into it!
My past experiences created many obstacles and challenges. I was bullied used and abused, I also hurt others too. I was drowning from abandonment issues, this is how I developed my narcissistic personality traits. I thought that I could bury my hurt feelings deep inside while I continued to live my life. I used to be full of regret, guilt, envy, shame, grief, and resentment.
In 2011 I was somehow pulled into chakras, yoga, and tai chi. I had no idea where spirit was moving me. I have come to realize that I spent most of my life sleeping, this was an eerie feeling. I thought I knew who I was; I saw how my life was just a lie. I was not being the person that I pictured in my mind, it took inner work to become my best self.
I needed to challenge my perception of myself and the world outside. I found myself experiencing higher consciousness as I journeyed deeper internally, my external reality was all an illusion, and that the only thing that is true is what's within. I continued my quest because I wanted to experience spiritual enlightenment.
Working on healing my chakras, I began to see how my pain and ignorance was the cause of my attractions and my life's outcome. I began to see how my low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, and selfishness were ruling my behavior. I once thought that I knew it all and that I was so special.
I thought that everyone else was bad, and blamed instead of looking at my reflection for truth. I saw how the enemy was I. This was because I was always in a state of self-judgment, criticizing myself. instead of healing my issues, I wore a mask or used personae to appear or feel perfect. This caused the same drama to repeat in my life.
Can a narcissistic person find unconditional love, selflessness, and inner peace? I believe that everyone has the potential to evolve beyond their humanity, regardless of their mentality.