kids are worth it! Revised Edition

Best parenting book I have ever read! I listened to her original audio tape in 1989-- changed my life.

This book has the tendency blame parents for their child's behavior. While I do believe extreme cases of abuse, which she mentions, but is not on the scale of the norm for most children, can bring about problematic behavior. I have an adopted child. That in and of itself brings about different and at times difficult circumstances.
She talks about not saying "no" but rather "later" and other methods that seem to place parents on eggshells of remembering responses that might not come across as authentic. My daughter knows when an adult is not being authentic with her. And believe me she doesn't appreciate it, respect or trust them as a result. Every child is different and this book seems to cater to the child who is strong-willed and will try the patience of most people to get their way. His can be from the smallest to the biggest thing. My child doesn't respond to most of the methods spoken about here or in other books that I've read. She knows when she's being bamboozled.
I will say that I had a hard time getting through it because my eyes were steadily rolling in the back of my head. She talks about being critical while she is being critical of the things parents might get wrong. She also speaks against punishment/consequences in a whole chapter but doesn't offer the alternatives right away. Again, every child is different. I don't see taking away phone/electronics as a punishment when the grades aren't good or bad choices being made. Parents are paying for a luxury and giving it to their children. The deal is they keep up their grades, help out around the house and display respectful behavior. I don't believe that to be unreasonable or punishing behavior. Luxuries are privileges that are earned.
She also states that it's unreasonable, if your child dyes their blue, for you to disagree because they won't feel accepted in the family. Really? It's not a punishment to teach your child that there is a time and place to express themselves and maybe finding alternative times and space to be creative.
Rebellion is not independent thinking. Rebellion is still contingent upon the reaction of others. Therefore, they're not thinking for themselves. Teaching that respectful communication is always welcome but anything other than that will not get heard is not a punishment.
What she suggests will churn out spoiled, entitled children who expect everyone to bend to their desires, to be accepting and praised for everything they do and if not, they will act out.
Different personalities respond and react differently. Some children make the connection and adjust to their level of understanding and maturity. Some children even when they understand dig their heels in to get their way. Some children retreat because any teaching or guidance feels like pressure and they become fearful.
Parenting is a day to day responsibility that requires thoughtful reflection and connection with your child. Get to know your child for who they are. Make an effort to know them, observe them, etc.. Parenting is a constant striving to be better and to guide your children toward the same but ultimately their choices are theirs to make for better or for worse.