"I shouldn't have to tell him that again!"
"She is just so spoiled."
"They don't appreciate anything I do for them."
Do you feel like you're at the end of your rope? Are you exhausted by your kids arguing over every little thing? Finally there's a name for your feelings: "Parent Frustration Syndrome" (PFS). No kid is perfect, but parents often don't realize just how much their own thoughts, rather than their children's behavior, contribute to being emotionally overwhelmed and discouraged.
In Liking the Child You Love, Renowned psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein offers proven strategies for taming the 9 most common toxic thought patterns that stop us from parenting effectively:
The "Always or Never" TrapLabel GluingSeething SarcasmSmoldering SuspicionsDetrimental DenialEmotional OverheatingBlame Blasting"Should" SlammingDooming Conclusions
As you identify and put a stop to PFS's negative thought patterns, you'll be amazed at how your kids' defiant behavior quickly improves, without having to raise your voice or dole out harsh punishments. Soon you will have a closer, calmer, and more loving relationship with your kids -- just by changing your own mindset.
Author/psychologist Bernstein (10 Days to a Less Defiant Child), aka "Dr. Jeff," delves into "the dark thoughts of anxious parents" who love their kids, but can't figure out how to like them. Bernstein claims millions of parents suffer from an affliction he calls Parent Frustration Syndrome (PFS), characterized by negativity, resentment and frustration regarding one's own child. According to Bernstein, PFS is caused by toxic thinking; to combat this habit, he provides parents with the tools to identify and transform their damaging thoughts. Such toxic thinking patterns as using labels or sarcasm, blaming, emotional "overheating," or employing the words "always," "never" or "should" are among the ways parents contribute to problems with their kids, the author argues. Bernstein guides parents down a more "mindful" path, helping them to reduce stress and alter negative emotions by changing their thoughts. He also suggests ways to use "collaborative logical consequences" instead of empty or damaging threats. Frazzled adults may too often be tempted to blame their discontent on their child's behavior, but Bernstein places responsibility for the relationship squarely in the hands of parents, while simultaneously offering support and practical strategies for reducing parental stress. In a conversational style, he also shares his clients' stories, along with his own challenges as the father of three.