LOML

We all process separation and loss differently, going through the usual stages of grief and heartbreak - anger, denial, depression, bargaining, and acceptance - at our individual pace, in our own unique order, or no order at all.
This little compilation, comprised of poetic attempts to make sense of my feelings after losing the love of my life, as well as prosaic leaps into repetitive self-induced illusions, is a representation of my heartbreak processing. Throughout these pages, I am wandering in wonder of whether I should ever fully integrate his absence into my reality. I wonder if my persistent inability to let go of the person, who is no longer my person, is tied to my guilt and regret over our separation and, as such, plays out as my self-punishment. I wonder how people move on after truly loving someone, and how they manage to not see that lost love in everyone new they meet. I also wonder if I might be just like one of those monogamous penguins, who mate for life, which would explain why my brain just won’t let go, even though my mate no longer wants me. Plenty of wonders here, just maybe not of the most desirable kind.
For a long time, I thought that to liberate myself meant to stop loving the person, to stomp-suffocate-suppress-kill my feelings for him. I came to realization though that true liberation comes from accepting that I might love this person for the rest of my life, and that’s okay, because I’m still capable of loving other people too.
This collection depicts the journey towards that realization, as it shifts back and forth between poetic musings about the reality and prosaic depictions of my dreams and fantasies (referred to as *multiverses) and their naive attempts to tap into alternative worlds and different versions of “what-could-have-been’s” - all on the path towards acceptance and, eventually, gratitude.