Mating in Captivity
Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
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4.5 • 511 Ratings
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- $11.99
Publisher Description
A New York City therapist examines the paradoxical relationship between domesticity and sexual desire and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
One of the world’s most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, this essential relationship advice guide demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will transform the way you live and love.
This groundbreaking book on modern relationships reveals proven strategies to reconcile the erotic and the domestic:
Erotic Intelligence: Explore a bold, provocative new take on sexuality and learn why the very things that build intimacy can stifle desire.Intimacy vs. Desire: Understand the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual passion, and discover what it truly takes to bring lust home.Sustaining Passion: Drawing on over twenty years of clinical experience, Perel offers frameworks for making more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex possible in long-term relationships.Modern Love: A witty, revelatory, and straightforward guide that will transform the way you think about the complexities of love and desire in today’s world.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Developed originally from an article she wrote on "erotic intelligence," psychotherapist Perel's first book sets forth a thesis for today's couples that is as revelatory as it is straightforward. Languishing desire in a relationship actually results from all the factors people look for in love and marriage: grounding, meaning, continuity. Partnerships are supposed to provide "a bulwark against the vicissitudes of modern life," Perel notes, and in one person we turn for all the emotional connections that the greater society (church, community, family) can no longer provide. Habit and certainty kill desire, yet how to live comfortably with the elements of unpredictability and risk that are necessary for healthy eroticism? Perel supports her nicely accessible work with case studies of couples both heterosexual and gay, spanning all ages, with kids and without, in an attempt to cure what ails their sex life. Some of the proposals Perel recommends for rekindling eroticism involve cultivating separateness (e.g., autonomy) in a relationship rather than closeness (entrapment); exploring dynamics of power and control (i.e., submission, spanking); and learning to surrender to a "sexual ruthlessness" that liberates us from shame and guilt. In short, Perel sanctions fantasy and play and offers the estranged modern couple a unique richness of experience.
Customer Reviews
Slowish start, with an incredibly profound 2nd half!
My wife and I (25yrs+ married) have been reading this book 2gether at night over several weeks now (little bits at a time). Initially it was not the most energizing read, but because it’d come so highly recommended we kept at it; thankfully we did cuz at a certain point, it just bcomes legit powerful. Our goal was just to read like 10 to 15 minutes or so at a time to unwind. But, as we got deeper into it our sessions kept goin’ longer and longer, sometimes a full chapter or two at a time. It connects and Esther’s examples…just hit. Especially the last few chapters; they’re def the payoff you’ve been promised from anyone who’s recommended this book. It is well worth the read. A new go-to recommendation for peeps interested in sexuality and relationships.
Thought provoking
Started reading this book on my iPhone and could not put it down!!! Recently divorced, I could have used this amazing collection of carefully assembled cases and practical exercises for couples. I particularly like the approach to all comers not just heterosexual. My only wish is that I had read it before I got married 18 years ago.
All encompassing & Insightful
It seems that no one dares to discuss nor admit that perhaps lack of passion and/or desire are the culprits of long term relationships coming to an end. It’s always financial issues, an affair, or simply growing apart. This book presents such an important perspective for those of us in long term relationships. I appreciate the various experiences mentioned to include all types of relationships. Also, the objective viewpoints discussed by Esther Perel without moral nor religious shame is refreshing.