Mating in Captivity
Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
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4.4 • 498 Ratings
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- $11.99
Publisher Description
A New York City therapist examines the paradoxical relationship between domesticity and sexual desire and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
One of the world’s most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will transform the way you live and love.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Developed originally from an article she wrote on "erotic intelligence," psychotherapist Perel's first book sets forth a thesis for today's couples that is as revelatory as it is straightforward. Languishing desire in a relationship actually results from all the factors people look for in love and marriage: grounding, meaning, continuity. Partnerships are supposed to provide "a bulwark against the vicissitudes of modern life," Perel notes, and in one person we turn for all the emotional connections that the greater society (church, community, family) can no longer provide. Habit and certainty kill desire, yet how to live comfortably with the elements of unpredictability and risk that are necessary for healthy eroticism? Perel supports her nicely accessible work with case studies of couples both heterosexual and gay, spanning all ages, with kids and without, in an attempt to cure what ails their sex life. Some of the proposals Perel recommends for rekindling eroticism involve cultivating separateness (e.g., autonomy) in a relationship rather than closeness (entrapment); exploring dynamics of power and control (i.e., submission, spanking); and learning to surrender to a "sexual ruthlessness" that liberates us from shame and guilt. In short, Perel sanctions fantasy and play and offers the estranged modern couple a unique richness of experience.
Customer Reviews
Slowish start, with an incredibly profound 2nd half!
My wife and I (25yrs+ married) have been reading this book 2gether at night over several weeks now (little bits at a time). Initially it was not the most energizing read, but because it’d come so highly recommended we kept at it; thankfully we did cuz at a certain point, it just bcomes legit powerful. Our goal was just to read like 10 to 15 minutes or so at a time to unwind. But, as we got deeper into it our sessions kept goin’ longer and longer, sometimes a full chapter or two at a time. It connects and Esther’s examples…just hit. Especially the last few chapters; they’re def the payoff you’ve been promised from anyone who’s recommended this book. It is well worth the read. A new go-to recommendation for peeps interested in sexuality and relationships.
Thought provoking
Started reading this book on my iPhone and could not put it down!!! Recently divorced, I could have used this amazing collection of carefully assembled cases and practical exercises for couples. I particularly like the approach to all comers not just heterosexual. My only wish is that I had read it before I got married 18 years ago.
Mating in Captivity
Love love love this book and author. Written so eloquently which as a bibliophile and scientist, I find necessary. Author presents so many optimistic and mind bending concepts of what happens and what doesn’t have to happen to the erotic and sexual relationship when it is subject to commitment.