A New York City therapist examines the paradoxical relationship between domesticity and sexual desire and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
One of the world’s most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will transform the way you live and love.
Developed originally from an article she wrote on "erotic intelligence," psychotherapist Perel's first book sets forth a thesis for today's couples that is as revelatory as it is straightforward. Languishing desire in a relationship actually results from all the factors people look for in love and marriage: grounding, meaning, continuity. Partnerships are supposed to provide "a bulwark against the vicissitudes of modern life," Perel notes, and in one person we turn for all the emotional connections that the greater society (church, community, family) can no longer provide. Habit and certainty kill desire, yet how to live comfortably with the elements of unpredictability and risk that are necessary for healthy eroticism? Perel supports her nicely accessible work with case studies of couples both heterosexual and gay, spanning all ages, with kids and without, in an attempt to cure what ails their sex life. Some of the proposals Perel recommends for rekindling eroticism involve cultivating separateness (e.g., autonomy) in a relationship rather than closeness (entrapment); exploring dynamics of power and control (i.e., submission, spanking); and learning to surrender to a "sexual ruthlessness" that liberates us from shame and guilt. In short, Perel sanctions fantasy and play and offers the estranged modern couple a unique richness of experience.
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After reading this book it opened up a lot of sore parts in my marriage. After following though with a few of the ideas and suggestions my wife has said she feels closer than ever, even though the truth from the book still makes me feel doubtful.
My suggestion, read with some caution. It's a powerful and well referenced book with some ideas that you may or may not want to consider as a truths in your marriage.
Started reading this book on my iPhone and could not put it down!!! Recently divorced, I could have used this amazing collection of carefully assembled cases and practical exercises for couples. I particularly like the approach to all comers not just heterosexual. My only wish is that I had read it before I got married 18 years ago.
This book has definitely set the captives free !!!!
I thank God for Esther Perel. This book has legitimately revolutionized the way we view sex and relationships. It emphasizes albeit ever so subtly yet assertively that we must be whole and healed first. Most of the relationship issues we face stem not from other people or circumstances but from our own unhealed traumas and identity issues.
Love this book!!!!!