Memories of mania

These memories of mania are a first hand account of Kim’s experiences of mental illness. But as well as it being a time of mental illness, it was also a time of great spiritual revelation for Kim. During his mania he often felt guided by a higher power. Those encounters with a warm, benevolent and entertaining God have shaped Kim’s outlook on life and spirituality is still an extremely important part of his life.

Kim’s journey took him away from medicine to maths, which had always been his best subject at school. The abstractions of pure mathematics at university offered Kim exactly the sort of language he needed in order to attempt to articulate the wildly energetic and emotive thoughts that he experienced during his manic episodes.

One of the challenges Kim had to face during the seven years of his repeated hospitalisations was to accept his condition as an illness. He found the highs of manic depression extremely alluring. Kim experienced a profound sense of connection to the universe and to God when he was high and it was difficult for him to label these experiences as problematic.

For a long time Kim’s obsession with the idea that he was Jesus refused to go away. Some strange coincidences in his life fuelled this notion. Kim interpreted these signs as part of a huge and complex symbolic message from God confirming his special role in the Creation.

This is the story of a bright young man whose experience of university life was dominated by his desire to find out about the workings of his own consciousness. That journey took him into the murky waters of insanity but he survived the turbulent times and has used the insights he gained on the way to inform his own spirituality.