To Whom it May Concern,
This is a long shot.
I'm seeking a billionaire, I will also settle for a millionaire. Sorry, not interested in any salesmen looking to sell me a timeshare or a part of their animal balloon company (been there, done that).
I am not a golddigger, though you may not believe that. I have references. Ask all of my broke exes and my best friend.
To be fair, I am not a glamorous model, actress, or professional dancer. I do, however, take pole dancing lessons (for fun, of course, not dollar bills).
I am an educated (still have the student loans to prove it), open-minded (toy stores are fun, and not for games), fairly cute (when I try), only a little curvy (those last 30 lbs don't want to leave) single female. I want to be swept off of my feet, wined, dined, and bedded in ways that make me forget my own name.
I have a job (that I hate), with a boss that makes me want to jump off of a cliff. However, my friends make up for the day job. I'm ready for an adventure. And possibly a penthouse with a maid and a design budget.
If interested, please respond before Monday morning, so I don't have to go into work.
Sultry Sassy Sarah
Note to self. Don't write stupid ads while half drunk and hanging out with immature obnoxious friends. Certainly do not post them on the internal company message thread by mistake. Do not freak out when your boss says he wants to see you in the office first thing Monday morning. And please never make a joke asking how many dollar bills he has to make it rain ever again.
I'm dead meat.