"It is a curious element in human nature that a forbidden pleasure is ten times more acute than the same pleasure enjoyed under licence" – so states the youthful connoisseur of female flesh, Freddy "Smiler". Which is why he is out on a raw January night instead of retiring to bed with Kitten or Rachel or any of a dozen other warm and willing whores of his acquaintance. And that is how he comes to meet Calamity. Untutored in any art, a lover only of gin, this drunk and dirty virgin (whom he nicknames Calamity) is nevertheless a challenge to a reprobate like "Smiler". Within three months, he claims, he will have washed the mud from his uncut jewel and transformed her into a sophisticated young beauty suitable for the most discerning brothel in the land...