PODZ

Imagine that it’s 1965 – and you’re a skinny, fifteen year old Jewish kid from Brooklyn – and while you’re learning to use your pelvis for something besides pissing, you discover that the earth is the target of a full scale invasion by pecks of pernicious pods from a parallel dimension. Then imagine that the pods have invaded earth for one reason, to snatch human pelvises – because pods are plants and they can’t evacuate, mastercate, or pork another person without one, which means they can’t have any fun.

Now, ask yourself, “What would I have done in such a dire situation?” Well, if you were Ishmael Rosensweig, astral traveler and the revered savior of mankind, you wouldn't have rested until you’d reunited your family members – who’d been snatched during the McCarthy hearings in 1954 – with their missing body parts. And like any red-blooded, Jewish kid from Brooklyn, you would’ve devoted the rest of your life to destroying the pod conspiracy before it destroyed the youth of the nation.

So, if you still have a pelvis and want to find out who said, “If pussy pulverized pods as easily as pubescent punks like you popped pimples, our planet wouldn't be in this piss poor predicament in the first place,” or how Ishmael survived puberty, became a holy man, got the girl, and with the support of a frighteningly dysfunctional group of fair weather friends, traveled to the astral plane and saved mankind, you’ll have to read “Podz: A Short History of the First Pelvic War”.