Sex - abstract perceptions

I try to understand duality ... and the world i am living in.
I meditate.
I write.
I do it every single day ... as a mental exercise ... but always keeping in mind that it's actually a must ... to keep wondering myself weird questions.
And ... i look at Carla ... begging her to answer me ... why i am so obsessed about being with her.
Asking this question ... repeatedly ... till a point when
actually the answer comes to me ... by itself.
Being revealed ... by an inner voice ... whispering ... "Being with her ... connecting ... accessing femininity ... and becoming one while mixing contradictory energies ... the ones from inside of you, but also her energies ... is the path of accessing duality in its absolute form.
And ..."
So ... i can probably understand for real the world i am living in ... just by being near her ... perfectly synchronising ...
becoming one body and one soul.
Experiencing duality into a perfect way.
Enjoying it.
And ... of course ... all has to do a lot with sexuality ... cause many, many times ... it's all beyond the power expressed by words.
So ... i allow myself to be overwhelmed of the emotional ... again and again.
Then meditate.
... trying to write what i think or feel.
Yeah ... having my daily therapy sessions in front of the
public ... trying in fact to understand ... why is so great while in bed with this damn woman which i am so in love with.
Illusory?!
Nonsense?!
Absurd?!
No.
Certainly not.
But ... it's all a sort of a philosophical journey.
Conclusion?!
Probably ... no one.
Cause ... i am still confused