Steps in Creativity Neo

I can’t lose hope when stories like these exist.

For the last few years, I’ve experienced a few bouts of burnout from working under less-than-preferable conditions as an artist, and it got the point where, as Generative AI kicked in harder after the pandemic, I straight up stopped drawing/painting. I focused entirely on 3D, as I felt that it’s a domain less likely to be comfortably replaced by GenAI (and it still is a lot safer than 2D)… but I missed making 2D art so much, and 3D became less like fun and more like labor… And I kept wondering if making art had become this thing that I can’t live through anymore, and instead something I have to survive with.

Some time after, I get laid off from my job, and I truly start spiraling. 3 days after that job loss, as I’m scrambling for solutions after years of not spending time honing my skills THAT much, I was told I lose my oldest cousin, Joshua, someone who was like a big brother to me. He always defended me from bullies, and flexed to everyone that I could draw better than anyone. He was my hero, as a kid. But there was my supposed greatest skill, crumbling under the weight of money-hungry suits profiting insanely from creatives of all sorts, while I used my savings to pack my belongings and move back to my parents at nearly 30 years old. I legitimately felt like there was nothing I could do, that I should completely change industries. Not too long after, someone whose values I was noticing internally that I related and looked up to reached out to me for condolences and sparking fiery hope in my chest. It worked. And I’ve been recovering ever since. But she also introduced me to her small, heartfelt community, and within it I became more familiar with Derek, even if lightly. At some point last night, I was ultimately too curious about this book, so I checked it out and saw the abysmally low price. I read the sample and got hooked, because it was already speaking to something I was feeling in my bone marrow, I was emotionally unsettled in the best ways. I bought it that same night, and I just finished, cuz I couldn’t wait anymore and needed to know what else he had in store.

I regret nothing, and wished I coulda paid more for the book, because I’ve spent the last 2 hours finishing this book and fighting every single wall I have raised around my heart so that I don’t grow vulnerable & soft during these tough times and living with family, where I need my guard up “just in case”, knowing damn well how much I need a good cry. I just didn’t feel safe enough in my current environment to cry, not yet; I needed to move out. But I really wanted to read this book, so I came back to it and the walls melted like ice, but from within. Cuz man… the feelings this book pulled out of me… are years old… decades old… Thank you, Derek. As a game developer, I aspire to create experiences that make people cry tears coming from the same place that you pulled mine from: some intentionally guarded, ancient, dark well in our chests, and my GOD, do they feel so good on my skin. It means so much to me…

When it comes to my creative dreams, seriously, and simply, I can’t lose I can’t lose hope when stories like these exist.

Thank you, please continue.