Just in time for the Apocalypse comes a new Biblical scripture from God and thirteen-time Emmy Award–winning comedy writer David Javerbaum.
3,000 years ago, King David wrote The Book of Psalms—hymns in praise of God that became famous worldwide. Now, with humanity on the verge of a self-generated catastrophe, God (with the help of another David) has decided to return, and reverse, the favor.
God has collected a cornucopia of insults of the human race in the form of prose, poetry, and parody. From topics as diverse as COVID-19, Trump, racism, abortion, meth, math, and on a lighter note, the platypus, God provides a 21st-century spin on life’s many problems. And he’s not alone: his son Jesus Christ has contributed thirty sermons of his own, updating some of his Biblical teachings for the modern audience. Even the Holy Ghost stops by to make sure you don’t forget him. Anybody who’s a fan @TheTweetofGod and/or NOT a fan of the human race is sure to love The Book of Pslams.
In this wickedly funny riff on King David's Book of Psalms, Emmy-winning comedy writer Javerbaum (The Last Testament) also known as God (@TheTweetOfGod) on Twitter channels the Trinity to spread the Lord shepherd's good word to humanity to "go flock yourselves." God doesn't answer prayers because, as he bemoans, the vast majority of the people offering them don't know what the hell they're doing. With the human race fast approaching extinction, Jesus advises with the desperation of a car salesman, "Don't delay, heathens: Cash in on this amazing opportunity to ensure yourself eternal life by believing in me today. Act now!" Elsewhere, God offers a rapid-fire debunking of conspiracy theories "Oswald acted alone; the moon landing was real; Kurt Cobain killed himself; vaccinations don't cause autism" conceding that "for a true conspiracy theorist even a disavowal from God Himself is insufficient." Readers who haven't injured themselves laughing will be relieved to hear that doggie heaven is real, though it "doubles as mailman hell." In his final "pslam," God reiterates to his followers why he's so angry: "You're hurting one another; you're choosing terrible people to lead you; you're destroying the planet... you're just a bunch of assholes." No sacred cow goes untipped in this sidesplitting work.