I tried to deny my feelings for him after we physically separated because it was excruciating being apart and I was also still married when we met.
It was also very challenging having my Twin Flame in my life because I partly blamed him for the chaotic change that started happening in my life after our initial encounter.
Denial was a defense mechanism that buffered the immediate soul shock of loss and it numbed me to the chaotic emotions that I felt.
I wanted to spend time alone — I isolated myself from relatives, family members, and friends because I was lovesick all the time.
The Spiritual Awakening process lit my Soul on fire. I only wanted to surround myself with only positive vibrations. I was easily irritated by negative people. I preferred to be alone in solitude than stay in places with loud noises.
Since I was new to the energetic merge of Oneness, I was channeling my Twin Flame's feelings too. I felt his energy merge with mine continuously that the state of my dreams changed, and I could feel his essence with me as if we never separated at all.
Once we met, it felt like we downloaded our emotions and energies into each other.
No one in my life could understand the complicated Spiritual Twin Flame Awakening process that I was going through because it was very challenging to explain to anyone who has never met a Twin Flame the nature of my Spiritual experiences.
It was like I was grieving the loss of a part of my soul. All the pain that I had ever known in my existence came to the surface and my mind could not understand the emotional chaos that my heart was feeling.
I lost a taste for food; almost everything tasted the same and I could not get myself to see beyond my emotional pain. I could wake up in tears daily because I felt restless. Nothing could fill the emptiness that I felt because of missing him.
Sometimes I could just feel depressed throughout the day because I was stuck remembering the past and what I could have done to save our relationship.
I could re-read the messages that we shared to soothe my aching soul, and if the loneliness was too intense, I could reach out to him to find out how he was doing.
I started drinking alcohol consistently so that it could ease the heartbreak but I always ended up drunk texting him telling him how much I missed him.
Every day came with its emotional troubles. I was in a chaotic state emotionally, physically, and mentally. There was no switching off feeling him or missing him.
What made my suffering worse is the fact that I had my baggage of; fear, physical and emotional insecurities, personal inadequacy, loneliness, low self-esteem among other issues.
The fear of facing my past pain to heal my core wounding made it more challenging to find healing because I thought that having my Twin Flame back in my life would make all the troubles go away.
I did not know that Twin Flame healing is done by submitting to unconditional self-love and accepting to face the darkest parts of my soul.
You cannot find peace and harmony in your life if you are hurting within.
The Twin Flame love empowers you to dig deeper within yourself so that you can heal your inner child. Self-love begins when you are comfortable with hugging your inner child to heal the core wounding.