The Franglais Lieutenant's Woman

The greatest classics of world literature – as retold in the incomparable language of Franglais

Did you know that Jane Austen wrote a rip-roaring football yarn called Northanger Abbey v Mansfield Park? That Murder in the Cathedral is only one of a series of murder stories featuring Inspector T.S. Eliot?

That all Shakespeare’s plots were combined in one earth-shattering play called The Two Henry V’s of Verona? Or that a missing chapter from the Gideon Bible describes exactly how God came to create the first hotel?

All these classics, and another forty or so like them, are featured in this unique compendium of world literature, compiled under hygienic conditions in our very own laboratories. Miles Kington gave the best years of his life (well, 1985 and 1986) reducing these masterpieces to manageable size, then translating them into Franglais, that fragrant language which combines the poetry of French with the directness of English, plus a touch of garlic on the side.

Books consulted in research for this work: Everything that has ever been written.

Further information: Franglais Advisory Bureaux, on board all good cross-Channel ferries.

No additives or artificial flavourings have been used. No suffering has been caused to any animal. A great deal of wine was consumed. Enjoy the results.