The illussion... of not being into the illusion

Not so long time ago ... I've written the book "THE ILLUSION
... OF BEING PART OF AN ILLUSION".
Honestly ... i've not really understood the title.
... even if it was written by me.
Today ... either.
So i've started ... again as a self therapy to understand what is my real spiritual level.
Experiencing incredible lies into my life ... but realising it ...
I've became aware that it was all an illusion.
And ... I've defined all as that.
Later on ... believing i am totally changed I've started this book called ... "The illusion of ... not being into the illusion" ... but still i felt ridiculous. Yes.
I had this sensation.
Even pathetic.
I was into the illusion ... but i was so, so stupid to believe that i am not experiencing that anymore. That ... i am awake.
And ... the Universe was laughing of me, behind my back.
On and on and on.
I was writing.
Defining all.
... even in micro details.
But i guess i was even in a lower spiritual level cause i was
experiencing lies ... believing i can't be fooled anymore.
So ... i was still fighting.
... instead of smiling.
Or ... even laughing.
I could do it, but i was still blind.
Still in duality.
Still in illusion.
I was only having the weird illusory sensation of being or not being into this illusion of the self.
Balancing ... between believing contradictory ideas
... about the same thing.
But ... all was a lie.
Even all i thought or felt.
Meanwhile i was continuing my writing ... hoping that anything will improve.
And ... the charade still continues ...