The Social Paradox
Autonomy, Connection, and Why We Need Both to Find Happiness
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- $12.99
Publisher Description
A Next Big Idea Club Must Read of February 2025
"Von Hippel presents a radically new way to understand why human happiness has diminished. What’s more, he offers superlative advice for how to get back on track.” —Sonja Lyubomirsky, New York Times bestselling author of The How of Happiness
From the author of The Social Leap comes this thought-provoking exploration, grounded in evolutionary psychology, into humans’ two core evolutionary needs, for connection and autonomy, how the modern world has thrown them out of whack, and how we can rebalance them to improve our lives.
Why do people who have so much—leading comfortable lives filled with unprecedented freedom, choice, and abundance—often feel so unhappy and unfulfilled, a crisis impacting our mental health? This phenomenon is a defining paradox of our time and one we endlessly seek to solve. In The Social Paradox, psychologist William von Hippel argues that we need to think about this problem in a new way. By changing our perspective, we might finally see the solution, bringing us greater happiness and more satisfying relationships.
The key is to understand the interplay between our two most basic psychological needs—for connection and autonomy. Evolution made us dependent on one another for survival, instilling in us a strong need to connect. It also made us seek autonomy, so our ancestors could distinguish themselves within their groups, improving their chances to procreate and gain status.
These two opposing needs are our most fundamental psychological drivers, and while our lives once ensured a happy balance between them, the opportunities of today’s world have thrown it out of whack. As von Hippel explains, our modern world no longer demands connection but it provides endless opportunity for autonomy; this lopsidedness lies at the root of many of our most intractable problems. Recognizing this imbalance and working to counter it is a vital act of personal development that can drastically change how we make decisions, spend our time, and find happiness.
The Social Paradox invites us to examine the fundamental drivers of human behavior—politics, religion, urban living, marriage—in a brand-new way. Once we understand the evolutionary forces driving us, we can begin to see how to counteract the emptiness and loneliness of contemporary life.
This insightful analysis of human behavior offers a path back to balance, exploring:
The Autonomy-Connection Paradox: Why our evolutionary needs for both independence and belonging are now dangerously out of balance in a world of unprecedented freedom.A New Framework for Happiness: Go beyond superficial advice and understand the deep-seated reasons why modern abundance often fails to deliver lasting life satisfaction.The Science of Relationships: Examine how the tension between our core needs shapes everything from our marriages and friendships to our politics and urban lives.Actionable Strategies: Discover practical, evidence-based ways to rebalance your life, reduce loneliness, and reconnect with what truly matters.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Modern society has upset the balance between "our two most basic needs: autonomy and connection," and humanity is suffering as a result, according to this illuminating treatise. Social scientist von Hippel (The Social Leap) argues that for the first time in human history, society has shifted toward autonomy and away from sociability, with mass urbanization since the 19th century fraying communal ties and marriage becoming increasingly important culturally while simultaneously eroding the value placed on relationships with friends and family. This shift has created what von Hippel describes as "sad success stories": people who are unable to share their achievements with loved ones and are therefore dissatisfied despite being far more materially well-off than their ancestors. Von Hippel's commonsense solutions include socializing at work, participating in run clubs and other organizations that strengthen one's lifestyle goals, or catching up with friends or relatives via social media. Most intriguing are his explorations of the sometimes counterintuitive links between autonomy and connection, as when he notes that the pursuit of personal improvement ensured that "our ancestors became valuable to their groups" (for example, becoming a skilled hunter would have made one both socially valuable and an attractive mate). This persuades.
