The Velvet Rage
Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
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4.5 • 236 Ratings
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- $11.99
Publisher Description
In this moving guide, a gay man shares his personal journey of letting go of shame and moving forward with self-compassion and healing.
Even though an entire generation of men have openly and freely come out of the closet, gay men still struggle with self-acceptance. Sexually transmitted diseases, depression, and suicide occur more frequently for gay men than straight men. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Through brave individual stories and compassionate analysis, The Velvet Rage explores how shame is insidious, and can be traced back to childhood feelings of “otherness”. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, Alan Downs offers a path to emotional well-being and an end to self-defeating behavior.
Velvet Rage is an empowering book you'll wish you read long ago. It’s not too late to begin the healing process.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
With a title that plays on Janet Jackson's epochal 1997 LP The Velvet Rope, and its anatomy of unmet desire, therapist Downs's book describes the paradigmatic ways in which early childhood molds the future lives of gay men: scorned on the playground, disrespected by Dad, loved only by Mom until their first sex with men. Through this mechanism of rejection, gay men feel unlovable, correspondingly angry and, he says, driven to heights of creativity and "fabulousness" in addition to shopping addiction and obsessions with fat, muscle and penis size in a bid to distract themselves from their inner shame. For Downs, the only thing that will bring an end to this spiral of torment is, finally, "validation," which produces "authenticity." Downs is an engaging writer, though prone to repeating the same few points in different words, while his patients, quoted in sidebars, often make witty quips that rival Quentin Crisp for dry, bitter sarcasm. While many gay readers will fail to recognize themselves here, others will find Downs's logic warming and even generous.
Customer Reviews
I’ve read 3 times
Well I’ve started 3 times, each time I would read to where I was in life within the book, happy to say I’ve finished the book in its entirety and it is one book that needs to be read by every gay man.
Period.
Finally, something to help with understanding what I’m going through as a near-40 year old gay man…
As an almost-40 year old, black gay man, I found this book as a form of self -paced therapy, helping me to understand a few of the questions/wonderings I’ve had about the ways I was evolving in the LGBTQIA+ community, and the subtle/micro-frustrations that would come up when engaged in small talk with hetero-folk. Though I found the book couldn’t really touch on moments specific to my/the black experience growing up as a gay man, there were SO many moments that still resonated due to the gay experience in general.
As a friend who recommended this read to me said, “it’s definitely a book that all gay men should read.” 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Must read for gay men
How have I never heard of this book!? I found out about this book through an online comment section where the comment wrote “this book rewired my brain” and I cannot agree more.