They Called Us Exceptional
And Other Lies That Raised Us
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4.0 • 29 Ratings
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- $10.99
Publisher Description
“In this vulnerable and courageous memoir, Prachi Gupta takes the myth of the exceptional Indian American family to task.”—The Washington Post
“I read it in one sitting. Wow. It aims right at the tender spot where racism, sexism, and family dynamics collide, and somehow manages to be both searingly honest and deeply compassionate.”—Celeste Ng, New York Times bestselling author of Little Fires Everywhere
LONGLISTED FOR THE PEN/OPEN BOOK AWARD • A SHE READS BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE SEASON: The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, Bustle
How do we understand ourselves when the story about who we are supposed to be is stronger than our sense of self? What do we stand to gain—and lose—by taking control of our narrative?
Family defined the cultural identity of Prachi and her brother, Yush, connecting them to a larger Indian American community amid white suburbia. But their belonging was predicated on a powerful myth: the idea that Asian Americans, and Indian Americans in particular, have perfected the alchemy of middle-class life, raising tight-knit, high-achieving families that are immune to hardship. Molding oneself to fit this image often comes at a steep, but hidden, cost. In They Called Us Exceptional, Gupta articulates the dissonance, shame, and isolation of being upheld as an American success story while privately navigating traumas the world says do not exist.
Gupta addresses her story to her mother, braiding a deeply vulnerable personal narrative with history, postcolonial theory, and research on mental health to show how she slowly made sense of her reality and freed herself from the pervasive, reductive myth that had once defined her. But tragically, the act that liberated Gupta was also the act that distanced her from those she loved most. By charting her family’s slow unraveling, and her determination to break the cycle, Gupta shows how traditional notions of success keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another—and passionately argues why we must orient ourselves toward compassion over belonging.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
In this passionate memoir, journalist Gupta (AOC: Fighter, Phenom, Changemaker) details the stresses she endured growing up in a volatile Indian American family. Addressing her estranged mother directly, Gupta reveals how she survived a household in which her life was tightly managed by her controlling father, who was plagued by violent moods and intolerant of the slightest deviation from his directions. Meanwhile, Gupta's mother regularly excused her father's aggression and hostility. To please her parents, Gupta became a stereotypical high-achieving Indian American student but grew keenly aware that she was discriminated against—by her family and others—because of her gender. She painfully traces how her nuclear family splintered, highlighting her youngest brother's struggles with mental illness and his shift from close, loving sibling to an antagonist who came to view her as a "hateful" feminist. Ultimately, Gupta found liberation by pursuing a career in writing and distancing herself from her parents: while she still hopes to reconcile with them, she "no longer live in the space where I tell myself that if I silence or shrink myself, I can one day have that ideal relationship with you both." Her startling candor and willingness to confront painful truths make this sing. Readers who've broken free from toxic family dynamics—or are hoping to do so—will want to check it out.
Customer Reviews
a wonderful book
this book gave me the words to articulate how much it hurt when my own reality was dismissed as false when I knew I couldn’t be imagining the things I witnessed. fantastic, careful writing— I liked that it was essentially a letter to the author’s mother, something that felt necessary to tie the whole thing together.