This American Ex-Wife
How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life
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4.2 • 16 Ratings
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- $13.99
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- $13.99
Publisher Description
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A deeply validating manifesto on the gender politics of marriage (bad) and divorce (actually pretty good!) in America today, and an argument that the former needs a reboot—from journalist and proud divorcée Lyz Lenz
“This American Ex-Wife is a bomb, a bouquet (but not a wedding bouquet), a memoir, a manifesto, and a total joy to read.”—Rebecca Solnit, author of Men Explain Things to Me
Studies show that nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women—women who are tired, fed up, exhausted, and unhappy. We’ve all seen how the media portrays divorcées: sad, lonely, drowning their sorrows in a bottle of wine. Lyz Lenz is one such woman whose life fell apart after she reached a breaking point in her twelve-year marriage. But she refused to take part in that tired narrative and decided to flip the script on divorce.
In this exuberant and unapologetic book, Lenz makes an argument for the advantages of getting divorced, framing it as a practical and effective solution for women to take back the power they are owed. Weaving reportage with sociological research and literature with popular culture along with personal stories of coming together and breaking up, Lenz creates a kaleidoscopic and poignant portrait of American marriage today. She argues that the mechanisms of American power, justice, love, and gender equality remain deeply flawed, and that marriage, like any other cultural institution, is due for a reckoning. A raucous argument for acceptance, solidarity, and collective female refusal, This American Ex-Wife takes readers on a riveting ride—while pointing us all toward a life that is a little more free.
APPLE BOOKS REVIEW
There’s no way to take the sting out of divorce, but in this memoir/nonfiction hybrid, Lyz Lenz wants women to see the positive side of splitting up. Opening up about the breaking point in her own marriage, Lenz digs into the lifetime of experiences in our patriarchal society that led her to that moment. These personal insights provide a great jumping-off point for her to employ her skills as a journalist, drawing on facts and data to build a case that marriage has become an outdated institution—one steeped in the historic oppression of women. Interestingly, this all leads to some surprising silver linings about divorce, as Lenz discusses how much easier the business of everyday life became for her and thousands of women like her when they were no longer trying to mend a broken relationship. This American Ex-Wife is a compelling and eye-opening read.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
In this scorching memoir, former Rumpus editor Lenz (God Land) delivers a rousing pep talk to women contemplating divorce. Through a portrait of her own failed 11-year relationship, Lenz elucidates how the traditional role of the wife (who's expected to take her husband's name, perform housework, and give up her financial independence) often proves debilitating for women, even as myths perpetuated by TV, literature, and religious scripture insist that marriage is "worth it." Homeschooled in an evangelical family of eight children, Lenz dutifully married, had two kids, and followed her husband to a broken-down house in Iowa in support of his career, even as her own floundered. Gradually, she began to feel constricted by their arrangement, and reached a breaking point when she discovered that her conservative husband had been hiding her left-leaning political mugs, as well as books he disapproved of, in their basement. Lenz supplements her personal narrative with research about the benefits of ending a marriage for women's well-being (including a study that claims 74% of divorced women feel liberated by the process) and interviews with hundreds of women about their marriages and divorces. Lenz's arguments about the inequalities baked into traditional marriages don't break much new ground, but they gain immediacy thanks to her fiery tone. This is galvanizing stuff.
Customer Reviews
No nuance or complexity
Lyz Lenz is glad she left her husband, so now she’s on a mission to convince other straight women to avoid marriage. But she never acknowledges that she benefited from the stability of being raised by married parents. Does she really wish her mom divorced or never married her dad? Would she give a copy of this book to her brothers’ wives or girlfriends? What if a woman someday wants to marry her son? The author’s rigid ideology doesn’t leave room for questions like these.