Tranquillous

Edit please!

Although "Tranquillious" intrigues the reader conceptually, two issues complicate enjoyment overall.

Firstly, a desperate need for professional editing. The novel initially hops from third person to first and back again with no reason or plan--at times in mid-sentence. It also exhibits all of the classic errors; "then" instead of "than," apostrophes where they aren't needed followed by apostrophes that are missing in action, periods in the middle of the sentence.... Additionally, incorrect word usage periodically confuses the reader. For example, "farther" where "further" would be most appropriate," and conscientiousness" is used where "consciousness" was seemingly intended.

Stylistically, the novel suffers from a lack of descriptiveness in both character development, and when "setting the stage" for the actions involved. For example, in the author's assertion that “Jim found all the chatter annoying yet at the same time informative," there is an absence of character involvement. In what way did Jim express his annoyance? What words did he use? What were his facial expressions? What were the reactions of the protagonist and narrator to "Jim's" annoyance? Where did the exchange take place--were they in the control room, a warehouse or the lab? Was Jim fidgeting with his coffee cup? Running his hands through his hair with frustration? Descriptive details would create dimensionality for the reader. As is, "Tranquillious" too often reads like a police blotter, or more accurately, a debriefing of the protagonist who is describing events from a distance in both time and place--and with limited emotional investment.

Three stars because the story was interesting enough to keep me in the fight for more than 1/3 of the novel. An interesting concept that is experientially lacking.....