• $4.99

Publisher Description

If I were dead, I wouldn't be able to see.
If I were dead, I wouldn't be able to feel.
If I were dead, he'd never raise his hand to me again.
If I were dead, his words wouldn't cut as deep as they do.
If I were dead, I'd be beautiful and I wouldn't be so...ugly.
I'm not dead...but I wish I was.

*This is a dark YA/NA stand-alone, full-length novel. Contains violence.

Young Adult
October 26
Margaret McHeyzer
Smashwords, Inc.

Customer Reviews

La Gato13 ,

Excellent book

Excellent book, highly recommend it, this is the true story of how domestic abuse starts + continues, the people who abuse know exactly who to “choose”. They look for someone with zero self confidence, who will not put up a fight,in this story she was lucky not to have been killed + she had the courage to testify against him to put him in prison, some are still to scared to testify + the abuser moves on to the next victim who he does kill. ( true story featured on Nancy Grace, about 5 years ago)

Donnajoblank ,


I read this book twice, in 3days ! It is awesome!

785612943 ,


I have no idea why the reviews for this book are good. This is not how domestic abuse happens, and it’s clear whoever wrote this has never experienced it. It’s not a constant barrage all the time, domestic abuse is found in a drunken temper yes, but also in the ebb and flow of it. The abuser is sometimes angry, sometimes intensely kind to “make up for it”, because if they were constantly beating you up like that, you would get help, whether you asked for it or not. That long, and someone would notice.
Also, this girl is always top of all her classes..? How does that work? It is so difficult to even keep afloat in a situation like this, and practically unheard of to surpass everyone else and swim to shore. I find it highly unrealistic.
Also, there are huge tells that make a lot of details predictable. She talks about having a dream about her mom and dad, and a little boy she doesn’t know. Then, not ten pages later, the dad shouts that she should’ve died instead of “them”. In her head, she says she doesn’t have any idea who “them” is, and it’s painfully clear she had a little brother at some point that she doesn’t remember and her mom and brother both died somehow. Some accident that she survived in, and that’s why her dad hates her.
I don’t even have to read more than twenty pages to have all of this information. It’s predictable to the point of cringe, and so unrealistic I found myself physically shaking my head while reading. I do not recommend.

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