Us
Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
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4.8 • 32 Ratings
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- $13.99
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- $13.99
Publisher Description
NEW YORK TIMES, WALL STREET JOURNAL, AND USA TODAY BESTSELLER • Stop working on yourself as an individual and start working on your relationship as a couple, with the help of the renowned family therapist and author of The New Rules of Marriage
“This book is a road map for all of us who seek true intimacy.”—GWYNETH PALTROW, founder and CEO of goop
ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR: The Wall Street Journal
Not much is harder than figuring out how to love your partner in all their messy humanness—and there’s also not much that’s more important.
At a time when toxic individualism is rending our society at every level, bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terrence Real sees how it poisons intimate relationships in his therapy practice, where he works with couples on the brink of disaster. The good news: Warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools.
In his transformative new book Us, Real brilliantly observes how our winner-takes-all culture infiltrates families with devastating results: repetitive fights that go nowhere, or a distant relationship in which partners end up living “alone together.” With deft insight, humor, and charm, Real guides you to transform your relationship into one that’s based on compassion, collaboration, and closeness.
Us is a groundbreaking guide to a new science-backed skillset—one that will allow you to get past your knee-jerk reactions and tap into your wiser, more collaborative self. With a novelist’s flair, Real shares the stories of couples whose relationships have been saved by these skills and pans out to the culture that reinforces our dysfunction. If you and your partner are backed into separate corners of “you” and “me,” this book will show the way back to “us.” With Us, your true relationship can begin.
APPLE BOOKS REVIEW
This enlightening guide to personal relationships will open your mind to new levels of happiness and harmony in your life. After a touching foreword by Bruce Springsteen—who improved his own marriage through this incredible approach—family therapist Terrence Real helps you and your partner discover your core motivations by examining the past traumas that have shaped you. Real cites several case studies showing that once people can see what’s driving their reactions, they’re able to change for the better, and his insights on connecting with your inner child and unlearning destructive coping mechanisms make it much easier to resolve and even avoid conflict. The easy-to-understand advice and practices in this guide will help you connect with the people you love—and to love yourself too.
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
In this accessible outing, family therapist Real (How Can I Get Through to You) offers advice to help romantic partners feel more connected. Using case studies from his practice, the author suggests that "little trauma" suffered over extended periods of time, usually during childhood, can affect one's relationships as an adult, and he provides strategies to overcome one's "maladaptive" behaviors. Real warns that coping mechanisms stemming from childhood trauma (perhaps "you were intruded upon as a child, and now you operate behind walls") can make one act like an "Adaptive Child," or an adult stuck in unproductive behavioral patterns. To illustrate, the author tells the story of a client whose propensity for lying protected him from his domineering mother while growing up but later threatened to destroy his marriage. Real emphasizes that partners should hold themselves accountable and "think relationally" by recognizing that "your relationship is your emotional biosphere." The author's accounts of his successes with clients can sometimes be laid on a bit thick, but his insights are original and stirring ("The idea of a freestanding rugged individualist is a cultural story having little to do with the truth"). This approachable take on healing relationships will enlighten.
