Research in South Africa confirms that a very high number of women and children are victims of various forms of abuse daily. Khethani Njoko encourages the reader to have a clear understanding that men are victims too. He touches on a thorny subject that men can address. Njoko reveals that the behaviours of some men emanate from the fact that they were once victims of the system and never received a proper psychological intervention. Therefore, they have transferred their anger to women and to society at large. In our African society, men are socialised and expected to be physically strong ___ without looking at the psychological effects – which eventually results in immoral behaviour.
Njoko argues that if the mind is affected it impossible for a man to defend himself and behave morally. Njoko is honest about the fact that the victimisation of men, which has been ignored over time, affects women and children. Njoko reveals that as society changes, the way society views men must also change because men are considered physically strong but the psychological damage they have experienced is not recognised. This is due to what the system has done to them. This results in internal suffering and eventually affects their behaviour. Men have, in many ways, become victims through the actions of other men or of women. For men to heal they should allow themselves to feel again. Men are taught to be strong and measure their manhood with physical strength and violence. Toxic masculinity result from such teachings and social constructions of what it means to be a 'real' man. Men are human beings too with fears, feelings and weaknesses. However the majority has become victims of hegemonic masculinity and machismo attitude that was taught by our grandfathers. This book aim to start a conversation about black men damaged masculinity which is motivated by patriarchy and has caused great pain to majority of African women and other marginalized men.