The perfect gift for both parents and their adult children—”a wonderfully wise and constructive intergenerational guide” that will keep you connected to the people you love most. “Read it and learn.”—New York Times bestselling author Judith Viorst
We raise our children to be independent and lead fulfilling lives, but when they finally do, staying close becomes more complicated than ever. And for every bewildered mother who wonders why her children don’t call, there is a frustrated son or daughter who just wants to be treated like a grownup. Now, renowned author and editor Jane Isay delivers real-life wisdom and advice on how to stay together without falling apart.
Using extensive interviews with people from ages twenty-five to seventy, Isay shows that we’re far from alone in our struggles to make this new, adult relationship work. She offers up groundbreaking insights and deeply moving stories that will inspire those in even the toughest situations. Isay’s warmth and wit shine through on every page as she charts an invaluable course through the confusing, and often painful, interactions parents and children can face. Walking on Eggshells is the much-needed road map that will keep you connected to the people you love most.
As baby boomer parents age, they're discovering the empty-nest syndrome is nothing compared to what happens when their kids graduate from college and start leading lives of their own. To a generation famous for being involved in every aspect of their children's lives, it can be upsetting to find that those children no longer need or welcome your advice. How does one parent children who no longer need parenting? Publishing veteran Isay, an editor and mother of two grown sons, interviews scores of parents and adult children of all ages to see how they are doing it. The stories are heartwarming, and Isay recounts them with intelligence and compassion. What does she find? Nothing Ann Landers hasn't already told us. Mainly: don't give advice; make friends with your children's significant others; and remember that love heals. The most compelling story is Isay's own. One wishes it were the centerpiece of the book rather than tacked on as an epilogue. Her experience is an example of her most interesting discovery: children are quick to forgive and often the ones who take the initiative in forging a new brand of closeness between themselves and their parents a closeness that is best described as adult.
I am learning that the hardest stage in parenting is after that number on the birth certificate says that my job is finished. I feel like I am chasing my daughter away from me with every time I open my mouth! I had to find a book or something to tell me I’m not crazy and how to stop screwing it up. I don’t know if this book will change our whole relationship, but I definitely got some take Aways. Regardless, it’s hard and I am willing to do or try anything to keep our relationship intact! I miss those teenage years when she was still somewhat reliant on me and believed I had her best interest at heart instead of taking every movement I make or words I speak as an attack. Thanks for at least making me know I’m not alone.
With 5 adult children, 3 of which are step children whom my husband and I raised for 32 years, and 11 grandchildren, Jane's words of wisdom reminded me that the only one I can change is myself, and that prayer, no matter what your spirituality is, changes everything.
And how much I disliked my mom calling and asking me if my college kids were doing their homework and walking the dog, so do my kids dislike being treated as a child when they are adults.
But most importantly, to just be a loving listener. And with this comes the peace and trust that as I worked life out, so will they.
Thank you Jane!