When I Was Great

"‘Great story. Great title. Great ending.’ - ray


‘Somebody should make a movie/
musical out of this.’ - ray’s mom


‘Loads of people going through some sort of midlife crisis nowadays.’ - ray’s wife


‘The Olympics were just on and rugby is going to be in the 2016 summer games. Great timing.’ - everybody I’ve talked to


My wife thinks Matt Damon would be great as me on screen/stage. He’s hot and we’ve got that whole rugby connection. Jack Black is probably a more accurate representation. Laura would be well represented by any super hot model/actress with a raspy voice. A sassy, raspy voice. Wait a second...I mean Kate Hudson. It’s always been Kate Hudson.


You think Jon Stewart would have me on as a guest? That would be great. I love that show. Jon, I’m free next week.


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“It ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and still move forward” - Rocky Balboa


“That’s Great!” - the should-be world famous Captain Doctor Walter Heinecke



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Readers who may enjoy this are...


• A, B, C and D list celebrities that I tweeted: I think you are great, cool and/or interesting. You guys live out loud. Me too now.


• Persons who are or expect to be having a midlife crisis anytime soon. Things aren’t turning out quite as you were sure they would back in the late 80's or early 90's. We were going to be big back then! You'll like this.


• My immediate and extended family, my friends and anyone that knows me personally. Warning: probably wtmi (waytoomuchinformation)


• People who have it all figured out: this is not written for you, probably won't be a good read. How hard I've been trying is kind of cute though, you may enjoy that.


• Someone who has it all (whether you know it or not) and wants more.



Story excerpt


I decided a long time ago that I was going to be GREAT. We were sitting on the couch watching the Olympics like we all did, living and dying a little with each moment, each defeat, each victory. The whole world was watching these great champions do such great things. Everybody was so proud of them. Tears always streamed down their faces during the national anthem. They must have been very proud. It was then that I decided someday I was going to be great like them.


I made a pretty good run at it too. It felt like I was almost great a couple of times a lifetime ago. Right now though, I’m violently vomiting as quietly as humanly possible on a random Tuesday night in the midst of my midlife crisis. I sure do miss being great. Hope the kids can’t hear this shit.


Being just another fat guy in a BMW* isn't the GREAT I had in mind.


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*Tim Ferris is cool