You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up
A Love Story
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4.2 • 12 Ratings
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- $4.99
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- $4.99
Publisher Description
In this hilarious and ultimately moving memoir, comedians and real-life married couple Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn prove that in marriage, all you need is love—and a healthy dose of complaining, codependence, and pinot noir.
After thirteen years of being married, Annabelle and Jeff have found “We’re just not that into us.” Instead of giving up, they’ve held their relationship together by ignoring conventional wisdom and fostering a lack of intimacy, by using parenting as a competitive sport, and by dropping out of couples therapy. The he-said/she-said chronicle of their intense but loving marriage includes an unsentimental account of the medical odyssey that their family embarked upon after their infant son was diagnosed with VACTERL, a very rare series of birth defects. Annabelle and Jeff’s unforgivingly raw, uproariously funny story is sure to strike both laughter and terror in the hearts of all couples (not to mention every single man or woman who is contemplating the connubial state).
Serving up equal parts sincerity and cynicism, You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up is a laugh-out-loud must-read for everyone who has come to realize that being “in love” can only get you so far.
On Cohabitation
He says: “Within days of Annabelle’s arrival, I became very aware that she demanded solitude and had the housekeeping habits of a feral animal.”
She says: “The guy had some sort of nudity radar. When I would take my clothes off for even a second, Jeff would be in front of me cheering as if he’d scored box seats at Fenway Park.”
On Sex
He says: “I want to have sex every day, but Annabelle only wants to do it once a week. So we compromise: we have sex once a week.”
She says: “Jeff says talking about money before you have sex is a turnoff, but it’s only a turnoff if you’re talking about not having money. Talking about money before you have sex when you have money is actually a turn-on.”
On Pregnancy
He says: “For God’s sake, all I wanted to do was have sex without a condom for a little while; now we were moments from bringing a new life into the world!”
She says: “My ass was expanding so fast it was like a Starbucks franchise. On every corner of my ass there was a new branch of ass opening up.”
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
Married for 13 years, Gurwitch and Kahn look back with laughter at the highs, the lows, and their "different marital needs." Writer-actor Kahn (Curb Your Enthusiasm) won an Emmy for scripting The Ben Stiller Show; actress Gurwitch (Seinfeld) produced a documentary adapted from her 2006 book Fired! Tales of the Canned, Canceled, Downsized, & Dismissed. By teaming for this equally merry marriage memoir, the duo doubles the giggles and guffaws. Over many months, they have been doing readings and performances from this book in progress, when it had the working title, How Not to Have a Marriage Like Ours. The book includes alternating "He Says"/"She Says" sections. Opening with Jeff's pursuit of Annabelle, they write in a lighthearted fashion about dating, cats, living together, marriage, the honeymoon, and lots of sex: "In the beginning, there was sex and it was good. In the middle, it became something to schedule like a tennis lesson and flu shot." A genuine crisis interrupted their comedic conflicts when their son was born with birth defects, a situation that affected their marriage: "We became each other's psychological punching bags." In the concluding chapter, they speculate on the future direction of their marriage, possibly "like the bonds of emperor penguins and Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas." Readers will hope they stay together to write more heartfelt, funny books like this one.
Customer Reviews
Finally!
Finally a book about a marriage that's real, funny and smart! Not a fake depiction of marriage we are sold on a daily basis in ads, magazines, and other books. I would recommend this book to any couple that has been together for 7+ years to relate to and to new couples who are oblivious to the annoyances a long term relationship. I'm a big fan and off to buy fired! By Annabelle.
Mediocre Humor
The stories and humor in this book are so repetitive, they actually become boring. There are too many great books and things to do in life to spend precious time reading this one.