The Thinking Human's Etymologies

Modern linguists have got word origins all figured out - or have they? There are scores of etymologies I would dispute, and I've selected what I believe are the fifty most compelling alternative etymologies that I've come up with.
My etymologies ring with the very truth - some reflect the darkness of human affairs, some reflect the perverse, and some are light-hearted - even jovial.
I have always found word origins amusing on my days off, and I'm the sort who can be found reading an unabridged dictionary hour upon hour upon hour. I love words and their meanings - but especially their etymologies. I hope my love of words amuses the reader, enlightens, provokes thought - I hope the readers' eyes are wide to the possible underlying meanings of words that we throw around so casually on a daily basis. A slim dictionary for the "with it" (wit) reader; most of all, certain to entertain the word-lover.

Mature content.